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DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl and have just gotten out of a seven-month relationship. I was a virgin until this relationship. I told my boyfriend, “Gavin,” that I was a virgin and wanted to wait until I trusted him and felt that I loved him.
Well, the time came that I felt I did love and trust him, so I went ahead and had sex with him. After one month, Gavin decided he was sick of me! It seems like as soon as we started having sex, things started going downhill. I feel so hurt and used, I’m now starting to view sex negatively.
I know I’m young and have years of relationships in front of me. But are all men just out there for sex? If they are, it just doesn’t seem worth it.
— Hurt and confused
DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: You have my sympathy. It appears that Gavin was more interested in the challenge you presented than in a lasting relationship. Not all men are that way, but most in your age group are because they are not yet emotionally or financially ready for a marriage commitment. Remember that, and you may avoid future heartache.
DEAR ABBY: I am 23, happily married and have two children. My question involves my 4 1/2-year-old, “Shelly,” who is the result of a previous relationship. Her biological father left me after he found out I was pregnant. When I was almost ready to deliver, he called and asked me to come back to him, which I did, only to get dumped again one week before Shelly’s birth.
Since then, I have married a wonderful man I met days before Shelly was born. He has adopted her, and he is the only daddy she has ever known.
My question is: When would be the best age for me to tell her about this?
— Clueless in Michigan
DEAR CLUELESS: Your daughter should be told as soon as she’s old enough to understand the difference between “biological” father and “adoptive” father. And when you do, tell her that her daddy fell in love with you both at the same time.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for one week. We have been together for three years. The problem is his last girlfriend. She was married three years ago but will not leave him alone.
It never fails that when we are out, and she and her husband are at the same place, she confronts my husband about how sorry she is for the past and wants him to take her back. He tells her it is over. Her husband knows that she does not love him but loves my husband.
I am so tired of this, Abby. What do I need to do the next time this happens? Do I call her and tell her to leave him alone?
— Steaming in Garden City, Kan.
DEAR STEAMING: Do not call her. The next time it happens, your HUSBAND should tell her he is not interested, that he is happily married now, and that she is making herself and her husband look ridiculous.
DEAR ABBY: Please tell me if there are any “rules” about a divorced woman wearing her wedding rings on her right hand. I am divorced, but my wedding rings are beautiful and I’d like to wear them on my right hand. Clear this up for me, please.
— Making sure in Idaho
DEAR MAKING SURE: No rule of etiquette forbids you from wearing your wedding rings on your right hand if you wish — many divorcees (and widows) do. Enjoy!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.