If there’s a sucker born every minute, I suspect most of them own dogs. Were P.T. Barnum still alive today, I bet the guy would have a thriving chain of luxury pet boutiques, with a line of dog owners stretching out the door, waiting to pour the contents of their wallets and purses on the counter.

Dog owners are crazy. How else can one explain the profusion of products and companies catering to people who treat their animals as if they were human children?

My dogs would be content to spend the day lying on a blanket on the floor with a hunk of cow bone. (I know, I’ve seen them do it.) But somehow, we’ve managed to accumulate seven different dog beds and two boxes full of various canine amusements. I counted eleven partially chewed bones the other day when I was collecting the debris strewn about the basement floor by Remy and Barrett.

Our mailbox is now stuffed with catalogs selling whole lines of unnecessary products like sunglasses, nightlights, bike trailers, rain slickers, hooded vests, Halloween costumes, and this thing. I have to hide them from my wife so she doesn’t get any more crazy ideas than she already has.

Recently, two more products came to my attention that blow all the others away in terms of sheer ridiculousness: the Pet’s Eye View Digital Camera, and the Bio-Sense Electronic Dog Collar. While the dog owner in me was offended, my inner tech geek was intrigued.

The camera mounts on your dog’s collar and can be set to take pictures at 1-, 5- or 15-minute intervals. I’m imagining attaching one of these to Barrett for the day while Jen and I are off at work. Reviewing the photos taken every five minutes, we would see: lay on mom and dad’s bed, bed, bed, bed, bed, bed, bed, bed, looked out the window, bed, bed, bed, bed, bed, bed, bed, drank from the water bowl, bed, bed, bed, bed…certainly worth the $50.

Remy would be a great candidate for the Bio-Sense collar. I heard about this product on a radio show. The developer says the collar can sense the subtle variations in the sound of your dog’s barks, and will notify you via phone call or text message when the dog produces a "threat bark." I can see the texts from Remy: "Someone’s walking past our house!" "I see a cat!" "What was that noise!" I get to hear Remy’s threat barks several times a night when I’m home, I don’t think I need to be notified of the ones that occur while I’m away.

I do give credit to the people that developed these products, though. As the household pet has become more a part of the family, owners have become more willing to splurge on their dogs the way they would on their own children. Savvy entrepreneurs have moved quickly to fill that demand.

I’m only sorry I didn’t have the wherewithal to think of something first. After all, you know the old saying: "a dog owner and his money are soon parted."