Waterford - Staff Sgt. Raymond Zito wanted to be sent to Afghanistan in 2001, but the Connecticut National Guard sent him on a peacekeeping mission to Bosnia instead.

He wanted to go to Iraq in 2003 when he was in training at Fort Eustis, Va., for a deployment, but that deployment was canceled.

And he wanted to go in 2005 when there were rumors that his unit would deploy. Those rumors turned out to be false.

So Zito took matters into his own hands. He switched to a unit that had orders to go to Iraq and started learning how to fuel an aircraft - the only job open with the 2/104th Aviation Regiment of Windsor Locks. He left for 12 months in Iraq earlier this year.

"I spent all my time training, doing the National Guard thing, doing the weekend thing," Zito, 37, said earlier this week while home in Waterford on a two-week leave. "I just wanted to put myself out there, say, 'You know what, I can do this.' I've done the training."

Zito, who has served in the National Guard for 16 years, also wanted to be able to relate to his fellow Guardsmen, who would often talk about the time they spent in Iraq.

"A lot of my friends went and they talk about it and I want to know how they feel," he said. "I talk to them but I couldn't sit there and say, 'I know exactly what you feel.' I don't."

Jennifer Zito said she tries to understand her husband's determination to serve in combat.

"When we talked about it one time, he made a good point that I always remember. I'm a teacher and he said, 'You went to college, did student teaching, an internship, you learned everything you could to be a good teacher, and what if you never set foot in a classroom to test your skills?'" Jennifer Zito said. "I get torn. I want him to be here and safe, but I'm still very proud of what he's doing and what he's willing to do. What if no one wanted to do it? We'd be in trouble."

The couple's two young children are not as accepting of Zito's decision.

"I miss him a lot," said Emma, 6.

"Do you like Daddy being a soldier," Jennifer Zito asked Zoe, 3, who vigorously shook her head side to side.

"I don't like him when he's being a soldier," she said.

"Don't you like Daddy in his Army uniform," Zito asked.

"No!" Zoe said.

The aviation regiment to which Zito is assigned in Tallil, Iraq, flies personnel and supplies around the country. Zito switched jobs from fueling planes to manning the door gun on Chinook helicopters, calling that "a lot more exciting."

The unit is scheduled to return home early next year. Zito plans to re-enlist in the National Guard so he can serve 20 years and earn better benefits. He knows the decision may mean another overseas deployment.

"There are benefits for me going and benefits for my girls. I could use my education benefits or pass it on to my children. That's one great benefit and one great burden off our shoulders. I'm willing to do that for these two," he said, looking at his daughters.

"Obviously I don't like him being away from us and the danger he's put in, but I understand his position, the retirement is better and there are better benefits when he gets out," Jennifer Zito said. "It's kind of a Catch-22."

j.grogan@theday.com