It's not easy being 'hip'

Now is the time for all good reader commenters to come to the aid of their columnist.

I know. Fat chance. With all the names I've called you people? Holy Hypocrisy. But we can always hope.

And so I need you to dispel the myth that I'm more out of touch with pop culture than a corpse. I'm really not, you know. But I've had two very bad episodes recently that have turned yours truly into a punching bag.

"I'm too young to be married to someone this out of touch," Mrs. Columnist just said, peeking over her husband's shoulder at the computer screen to see today's topic.

See? Now what did I ever do to deserve such shabby treatment?

OK. Here is where all of you witty, talented reader commenters come in. We start with Episode I: The great Rick Koster in the newsroom was gulping Diet Coke from a Burger King souvenir cup the other day. The cup bore the faces of three teens.

"Who are they?" I asked innocently.

A voice (not Rick's) said, "Twilight."

I said, "What's that?"

And then the shinola hit the oscillator.

"You don't know 'Twilight?'" this cacophony of newsroom voices boomed.

So now, dear readers, I ask: Did you know about this? When you see the word "twilight" what immediately comes to mind?

My first three thoughts: 1. the soft, diffused light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon; 2. "the twilight's last gleaming" from the national anthem; 3. how the Red Sox thought Clemens was in "the twilight of his career" before they dumped him.

It turns out, though, that "Twilight" is a series of four vampire-based fantasy/romance novels that are a big hit with teens and have sold only 85 million copies.

This is news. First, I had no idea teens actually read books anymore. I thought all they did was text. Second, I had no idea they had an interest in vampires. Vampires? Who really thinks about vampires, other than The Count from Sesame Street?

So here is where the reader commenters comment, "I'm with Mike. I had no idea about this either."

Episode II: We get a tip that Tony Hawk is coming to Groton.

People begin to gasp.

"Am I supposed to know who he is?" I said, somewhat snottily, not that, you know, I ever get snotty or anything.

I am told he is a champion skateboarder.

So I post on Facebook. Am I supposed to know this guy Tony Hawk?

I get beaten into submission. Even Tamika Whitmore of the Connecticut Sun chimes in.

But I ask: Why should we know anything about him? A skateboarder? To me, skateboarders wear horrid clothing and say "dude" too much. The phrase "best skateboarder in the world" is like saying "best needle-pointer in the world."

But I could be wrong. I was wrong once, but it was so long ago. Maybe the readers can help.

This is the opinion of Mike DiMauro, whose column appears in Daybreak once a month.