The Grammys are coming! The Grammys are coming! Sunday night! It’s going down!

Well, I’ll tell you what.

The Grammys ceremony better not interfere with the NFL Pro Bowl. No way I’m missing that.

The Grammys ceremony better not interfere with any re-runs of My Mother the Car. No way I’m missing any of those.

The Grammys ceremony better not get in the way of my plans to eat a pound of moist graveyard dirt and then shoot Roman candles out of my underwear.

The Grammys ceremony better not interfere with my scheduled appointment to have a hole torn in my septum with needle-nose pliers.

I love the Grammys and the dignity and legitimacy of the awards, but there are just some things that are more important.