Tonight, in the fifth hour of American Idol this week, two boys and two girls will go home. Really, figuring out who that will be at this point is kind of like how we decide the spaghetti is cooked at my house: Throw a handful against the wall and see if it sticks.

And even though Tuesday's girls' performances were pretty much across-the-board uncomfortable, I am sticking with my bold prediction that a girl will win American Idol 2010. Because the boys were even worse.

(In a side note, I am sad that Idol honchos abandoned last year's refreshing three-top-vote-getters move on rather than the usual lowest-two-boys-and-two-girls-go-home method. I am not sad, though, that we have dropped the judges' wild card choices. And they better not try to Anoop someone in as the top 13th either.)

Also in a side note, Simon wore a button-down shirt on Wednesday, which I found somewhat alarming, since we are deep into the Pullover V-Neck Sweater phase of the competition. My good friends Lee and Nick over at WXLM radio said they thought Kara was actually making sense this year in her critiques, and while it pains me to say this, for the most part I agree with that. Randy remains Randy, which is to say pointless, and Ellen DeGeneres' positivity is positively mind-numbing. Now, to the singing.

Let's start with Tuesday, and let's start with the positives. No, wait, first I have to say this: What in the name of all that is sartorially holy was up with the tragic belts, bustles and barrettes? And the make-up? Seriously, it was like being at the worst seventh-grade sleepover party ever.

Good: Crystal Bowersox, Lilly Scott, Katelyn Epperly and Michelle Delamor. I know, right?

Crystal was the best, both in song choice and presentation. Although honey, you better ditch the harmonica for next week. I'm just saying. But Alanis Morrissette's Hand in My Pocket was a great choice for her, and well done. Her voice is, if I may go for the obvious and painful pun, Crystal-clear.

Lilly Scott, she of the bad hair and worse earrings, had a nice vibe about her, and sang well, but her song choice was tragic. She opted for The Beatles' Fixing the Well, one of those let's-get-high-with-the-Dalai-Lama songs from the Fab Four. Not doing herself any favors with that choice. Even if it did make her happy, as Simon noted.

Katelyn, she of the Barbra Streisand circa A Star Is Born hair, did a good job on Oh Darlin', which played to her strengths. But I agree (I can't believe I am going to say this) with Kara, in that her whole costume/makeup/hair thing made her look like someone other than herself. Get thee away from the stylist, girl! (Same goes for Janelle Wheeler, who was turned into Hannah Montana by the stylists.)

Michelle Delamor did a good job on the Alicia Keys' staple Fallin' but really, aren't we so over Idolites doing that song?

The not-good: Ashley Rodriguez's rendition of Leona Lewis' Happy. Girls, do not sing Leona in front of Simon. How many times do I have to tell you this?

Connecticut's own Katie Stevens did Feeling Good, which Michael Buble covers (not well) and which — HELLO!!!! — Adam Lambert knocked out of the park last year during Rat Pack week. His was so good I have it on my stinkin' iPod. She was wearing an unfortunate prom dress and a Catholic school girl headband, and really the whole outfit looked like the start of one of those Playboy letters to the editor: "There was a knock on my dorm room door. The prom queen was there." Plus, she winked. Do. Not. Wink.

Paige Miles, whom I have no memory of ever, did All Right Now, and all the over-the-head hand-clapping and wonking around the stage made me think it was the last song before last call at the karaoke bar.

The downright-bad: Didi Benami's The Way I Am and Lacey Brown's Landslide had cats all over the nation hurling themselves off bridges. Didi, whom I adored in the auditions, channeled the evil Megan Joy from last year, and poor Lacey, who lost out to Megan last year, channeled, well, me. Yes, it was that bad. And her skyscraper hair and nail-salon eye makeup made it that much sadder.

Siobhan Magnus, who looked quirky in the auditions and in Hollywood and now just looks dumb, made a bad choice in Chris Isaak's Wicked Games. She started out rocky and then got slightly better, but it felt like it took a year for her to get through it and all I could think of was how her mouth looked like she was literally eating the lyrics. Ouch.

Janelle's What About Love was painful and she looked lost on the stage. Poor Haeley Vaughn, in her sad outfit and her ridiculous hair and her nose-piercing and her red guitar, bleating her way through I Wanna Hold Your Hand and smiling the entire time as if she had snorted someone's Ritalin backstage. Really. It was creepy.

Now, the boys. The good:

Aaron Kelly, Here Comes Goodbye. Now, I hate Rascal Flatts. I think of them as the Andie MacDowall of country music. That Broken Road song makes me want to strangle a kitten. That said, this 16-year-old sang almost entirely on key, did not look like he was going to throw up the whole time, moved around in a relaxed manner, and is, of course, David-Archuleta-level adorable. If they can manufacture an Aaron-Katie romance, the ratings will be boffo.

Andrew Garcia sang an acoustic version of Fall Out Boys' Sugar, We're Goin Down. I'm not familiar with this song, but I loved that faint reggae touch his lilting voice gave it, and I am already a fan of this Son of Gangbangers. Judges were a tad harsh here I thought.

Casey James sang a slightly wobbly version of Bryan Adams' Heaven, and while I am slightly obsessed with his hair (Lilly Scott, take notes) I have to say I like this guy so much better since he arrived in Hollywood. He has a maturity about him.

The not-so-good: Michael Lynche strapped on his teeny-tiny guitar and mumbled his way through Maroon 5's This Love. The judges were absolutely right in their criticism that man cannot live on charisma and new dad-ness alone, and dude better concentrate on improving his performances. Also, for the record, Blake Lewis is the only one who has ever been able to pull off Maroon 5 on Idol. Yes, I went there.

Todrick Hall went all Bobby Brown on Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone, and I did not think he sang it particularly well, but I give him props for trying.

The truly tragic:

Jermaine Sellers' Get Here. I love Oleta Adams' version of this song. Jermaine's version was everything I hate about 21st century song-stering.

Lee DeWyze's Chasing Cars. I love this Snow Patrol song as if I were a 14-year-old girl going through my first break up. Poor Lee's effort was just as pathetic.

Tyler Grady's American Woman makes every ridiculous thing Constantine Maroulis ever did on the Idol stage look restrained and Shakespearean.

I felt so sorry for Alex Lambert and his Wonderful World (Friends, please enlighten me as to who this James Morrison person is). I, like Kara (yikes, there I go again) wanted to give him a hug.

Joe Muñoz should've been given a time out for that You and I Both thing he did.

John Park should've been given a spanking for that massacre of God Bless the Child he did. The saddest part was, he really thought he was being sexy.

And you, Tim Urban, you of the substituted-in-at-the-last-minute, you of the Friday Night Lights hair, you of the square jaw and the clear skin. If that skinny guy from One Republic beats the crap out of you for what you did to Apologize, certainly no one will blame him. And did no one throughout rehearsals mention to you that cannot sing a falsetto? Did you not notice that?

So there you go. The worst Top 24 in the history of Idol. We shouldn't even call it Top 24. We should call it The 24 Who Somehow Made It To This Point. How about you? What did you think?