It is, of course, the cardinal rule in television-watching that you really can’t take any of it too seriously. And you can’t get too nit-picky.

Because it is, after all, TV.

The first 10 seconds of NBC’s new "reality" show The Marriage Ref on Sunday night made me break that rule, however. Because the Seinfeld-created show is called The Marriage "Ref" as in "referee," and the opening credits involve Jerry and his cartoon wife engaged in a baseball game. Which uses UMPIRES.

I’m just saying.

Right off the bat, I’m annoyed.

Things did not improve.
The one saving grace of The Marriage Ref Sunday night was that it was 30 minutes, because it came on after the Closing Ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympics. Much like tacking a show onto the back of the Super Bowl, the network used this boffo-ratings situation to further pimp its most-hyped new show of the mid-season. The bad news is, when it takes it’s regular slot on Thursday, it’s an hour.

The reason why it’s the most-hyped show is because it was invented by and produced by and written by Jerry Seinfeld. NBC loves Seinfeld, because he reminds the executives there of the Must See TV Thursday nights of the olden days, when NBC was the number one broadcast network, and not the number four broadcast network.

Sigh.

The premise of The Marriage Ref is that real-life couples with real-life burning issues in their marriage bring their dispute to a three-member celebrity panel, which hears their story (via videotaped footage) and then discusses it amongst themselves. The three then render their opinion to the actual ref, some guy named Tom Papa who I think must’ve cut Jerry’s lawn out on Long Island and maybe cracked up Jerry while he was taking a break and drinking from the hose out back, and so Jerry gave him this job. Because I sure as shootin’ never heard of this guy before. Plus, he’s not really funny.

So the ref hears their thoughts and then "makes the call." A bell rings like in boxing (which does use a referee). Oh, and let’s not forget the Today show’s own news reader Natalie Morales, is sitting off to the side in front of some Judy Jetson-looking contraption, apparently Googling stuff so she can throw out hilarious factoids to Papa to help him make his call. I’m guessing, based on the fabulous footwear she was wearing Sunday night, that she is on the Nordstroms’ Web site for most of the show, shoe shopping.

Sunday night the panel consisted of Seinfeld, Kelly Ripa and Alec Baldwin. Now, I don’t know if they thought it was inherently funny that Baldwin — an infamously "challenged" husband and father — was included to give advice to couples dealing with important issues like whether to install a stripper pole in their bedroom, but it wasn’t. It was uncomfortable. I mean, it was just a couple of weeks ago they took him to the hospital in the middle of the night after he had yet another nasty fight with his young teenaged daughter.

This week the panelists are Seinfeld, Eva Longoria Parker and Tina Fey. Future panelists include Madonna (?!?, looking very nipped and tucked), Larry David, Matt Lauer, and Martin Short. 

The problems the couples bring to the panel are not serious. Stripper pole, dead stuffed dog in the living room. We’re not talking Dr. Phil here. To me, I guess the problem is I just don’t get it. If it’s supposed to be funny, it falls far short of the mark. If it’s supposed to be Jerry sitting around with people he thinks are funny, then it’s boring to watch. If it’s supposed to be some slice of Americana, then, uh, I don’t want to know about it.

I suppose it’s unavoidable to use an incorrect sports metaphor when talking about this show, so I’m just going to go for it: The Marriage Ref is a big swing and a miss.