The last two minutes of last night’s American Idol ouster show was the saddest thing I have ever seen. Sadder than the end of Old Yeller. Sadder than the choice in Sophie’s Choice. Sadder than the first 15 minutes of Up.

Suffering through having to sing The Climb one last time on the Idol stage, the no-longer-smiley Haeley Vaughn creaked and croaked and cracked her way through, as her castmates wept (but offered no help; remember that season when someone was crying so hard that she could not sing, and all the girls swarmed her and sang it for her? Who was that?). Really. The Idol machine can be so cruel, especially to the children.

The right four went home last night, even though there were plenty more who could’ve followed them right off, exit stage left and please never open your mouths again. Jermaine and his footie pajamas (I guess God did not text Tuesday night), John Park and his enormous ego, the lovely and incredibly forgettable Michelle, and poor sweet Haeley, sporting the biggest headband she had ever crafted.

Oh, and don’t you worry Andrew Garcia fans. He was not the second-lowest vote getter in that row of boys. They just want you to think that.

Jermaine and Michelle and John all went out with class and managed to get through their songs with heads held high. But poor little Haeley, 16 years old, that was rough. There are times that I really hate myself for watching, for feeding this monster that eats up babies and spits them out, and that was one of them. And what heavy irony those lyrics took on for the poor thing.

As for the rest of the show, wow, was the group sing worse than usual or what? Lip synching to the Black Eyed Peas? I wonder who is actually singing those group sing songs — maybe it’s whoever sang for Milli Vanilli — because it sure as heck is not those kids.

And of course let’s not forget the Return of Danny Gokey, Country Artist. By the end of last season my dislike for this boy was so strong that I literally recoiled from my TV screen when he performed. But I have to say, when he appeared on stage with his little band, and started belting out this country song, My Best Years Are Coming Up The Highway That Jesus Is Driving Me Down, I have to say, I liked it. He looked good, he sounded good, he had nice stage presence.

And then, he began to speak, and it all came rushing back to me. First of all, how many Red Bulls do you think Mr. Gokey chugged before he hit the stage? 30? I think Ryan was actually a little afraid, especially after the third chest poke Danny gave him.

And then, in case we had forgotten, Danny reminded us that when he was on Idol last year, he was a newly minted widower. Oh yes. He went there. A lot. And then all was right in the world, because I hate him again.

So there we have it. Our Sixteen Who Somehow Managed To Get This Far. My prediction for the four who will go next week are: Todrick Hall and either Alex Lambert or Aaron Kelly for the boys. For the girls, Lacey Brown and either Didi or Paige.

What do you think?