The Remote

American Idol

9 p.m., Fox

Ugh. Why do they put this on at 9? Why can't they put "Human Target" on at 9? Why does "Human Target" go on at 8? Anyway, tonight the boys sing. Or a close facsimile.

Modern Family

9 p.m., ABC

The Alphabet took advantage of the Oscars (highest rated since, I don't know, Titanic) to air a hysterical promo for this genius sitcom, which had everyone playing movie charades. So funny. Tonight promises to be just as LOL, as "Phil invites his high school girlfriend (Judy Greer) to the house; Jay accidentally kills Manny's pet turtle, then goes to extremes to cover his tracks; overworked Mitchell stands up to his boss." I am most looking forward to the turtle murder story line.

I Shouldn't Be Alive

9 p.m., Animal Planet

I was flipping around the other day while folding mountains of laundry and I ended up watching an episode of this in which two teenage boys were adrift in the ocean in a little boat. They do a re-enactment and they splice in interviews with the actual subjects. In this story, they had footage from when the two boys were brought into the hospital. Wow. Talk about sunburned lips. Tonight, "A boating accident on Africa's Zambezi River leaves survivors with only an oar for protection against predators." Now, since we know the show is called "I Shouldn't Be Alive," we don't have to worry about a re-enactment of someone being eaten by a hippo.