Lament of a paper newspaper reader

I’m an endangered species, I suppose.

I receive home delivery of a daily newspaper. That is, when I can find it.

Every day is like Easter Sunday, except instead of searching for colored eggs, I'm on a hunt for the newspaper.

Each morning, I walk downstairs and look out the window to see if I can spot it. No sense going outside to start my search - especially in the cold, rain or snow. No telling where it might be.

Now I know newspaper delivery people have a difficult job - up before dawn, out into all kinds of weather to drive all over creation to make sure subscribers get their paper before 7 a.m. or so. No fun.

I appreciate their efforts, I really do. I just wish they had better aim.

There's a walkway leading to the front of my building that should be a big enough target (even from a moving vehicle), but Roger Clemens my delivery person is not.

I've wandered outside to find my paper in the street, in the neighbor's driveway, in the bushes, behind a tree and always - always, always, always - in a puddle when it rains. Once I walked outside to discover two newspapers on the ground. Turns out the one 15 feet to the right of the walkway was four days old. It had finally become visible after a recent snowfall had melted.

At my previous address, I had one of those delivery tubes attached to the mailbox post at the end of a long gravel driveway.

Perfect all the way around, I thought. Free advertising for the newspaper (important these days as the medium struggles for survival), and it would be protected from the elements (sorry, but bagging the paper often doesn't do the job).

Except the driver didn't use the tube.

Every morning I'd find it in the yard or in the dirt of the driveway. So when it rained, I'd have to pick it up like a dead bird, holding it away from my body with two fingers as the water and muck poured off it. Then I'd prop it up in the sink in an effort to dry it so I could stick to my morning routine. Ever tried to turn the pages of a saturated newspaper? Not easy.

Maybe it's time I evolved with the technology and just read the paper online - after all, it's free! Or I could get the e-paper I see advertised. Either way, no delivery worries. Plus, as the ad for the e-paper states, I could help preserve the environment by saving a tree or two so I'd feel good about myself. What's better than that?

Of course, I'd have to purchase a home computer of some sort first. I'm also one of the few people left who doesn't own one of those.

This is the opinion of Ken Sorensen, a sports copy editor at The Day.