The Remote - March 17

American Idol

9 p.m., Fox

It's St. Patrick's Day, and back in the day, I'd be facedown in a puddle of green beer by this time of night. Of course, that was decades ago. Tonight, at this time of night, I'll be in my jammies, wrapped in my Snuggie knock-off with the dog nestled in next to me, watching someone's dream get crushed. In addition to that, Season 7 champ David Cook, fresh from a songwriting trip to Sweden (I'm not making that up) will perform, as will that little pop tart Ke$ha (I hate myself for this, but I love that "Tik Tok" song) and singer-guitarist Orianthi, who has that slightly enjoyable if ridiculously overproduced song "According to You." And please don't forget to log onto theday.com to watch the debut of this season's Idol Autopsy video, in which my pal Rick Koster and me dissect Tuesday night's performance show.

South Park

10 p.m., Comedy Central

You want to meet fearless? Meet "South Park," which launches its 14th season with an assault on Tiger Woods and his "sex addiction." The plot is that the boys discover they have a sex addiction problem. "It's such an important issue in America right now - the sex addiction outbreak," co-executive producer Matt Stone told the Associated Press. "We're all really concerned about him and hope he gets better." I (heart) those guys.

Top Gear

8 p.m., BBCAmerica

I love this one, in which the boys "race from London to Edinburgh, traveling by locomotive, motorbike and a Jaguar XK120." Jeremy's in the train, shoveling coal; Hammond is on the motorcycle, losing all the feeling from his groin on down about halfway through the rain-drenched trip; and James is in the car, reveling in the old-schoolness of it all. (SPOILER ALERT) James wins, which is rare and enjoyable.