As I explained in Sunday’s Remote (which you can become a fan of on Facebook, or follow on Twitter, fyi), I missed two weeks of Amazing Race recaps because first I was on my own travel adventure with the family in Puerto Rico, and then because I was deathly ill from the consumption I contracted on the airplane. Which, in a nutshell, is why I can never go on the Amazing Race: germs.

But I digress. The first week I was out, we lost Jeff and Jordan, which was sort of inevitable because they had the non-elimination-mandated Speed Bump, and then were only able to overcome that because Heidi and Joe got saddled with a U-Turn and the Morse code. But the Big Brother duo could never make up all their lost time, and so were out. 

Then last week, the CowBros had clue-reading issues and lost out to the Lesbians (although we learned last night it was only by THREE MINUTES), but that too was a non-elimination, and so the Bros lived to wear their belt buckles another day in the gorgeous Seychelles.

So last night brought us from that tropical paradise to Malaysia, where it is apparently a thousand degrees all the time. The one ferry boat off the Seychelles resulted in everyone being on the same plane again, giving the Bros a leg up in terms of being handicapped by their pending Speed Bump.

Steve and Allie, in first place but wearing some pretty nasty clothes (re: the backpacks: just where exactly did they leave them that they could not go back and get them after the leg was done? Were they on a different island? Is there a rule that once you’ve left a place you can’t go back? I did not understand that.) struggled mightily in Malaysia, making dumb mistake after dumb mistake. It was as if they had lost their minds and simply became hysterical.

The CowBros, on the other hand, made good decision after good decision. Plus, it turns out they have billboard-sized foreheads (previously hidden under their hats) and ridiculously strong necks and were therefore able to blow through that crazy challenge involving balancing the giant flag pole on your face. Hence, they went from last to first, and Phil got to tell them (with a straight face) that they had won a romantic dinner on the beach in Maui. Oh my gravy.

The rest of the pack acted like the rest of the pack. It is now officially “anonymous” that the Lesbians are the hated team by all the others, but I’m not sure that matters, as they seem to continue to do well despite their light-headedness and their complete lack of understanding that the Amazing Race often involves fierce physical challenges.

I had thought that Steve and Allie were ultimately going to win this race; I was sad to see them go last night (although I think in order to save Steve’s nose from severe melanoma, the time was right).

What did you think?