Cellphone Towers in State Parks: Answering Nature’s Call

What is it with wacky environmentalists who are fighting to block construction of cellphone towers in state parks and forests?

Next thing you know they’ll be trying to keep ATVs and dirt bikes from using the trails.

The problem isn’t too many towers, it’s too few of them. When’s the last time you got more than one bar on your Nokia while out in some godforsaken boondocks?

What would happen if you got lost and couldn’t get a signal? Do you think the Sierra Club, which is urging the Connecticut General Assembly to shoot down a law to allow wilderness tower construction, would go looking for you?

This raises another question: How come the state doesn’t permit fast-food restaurants, motels or convenience stores in parks and forests? What’s up with that?

How many times has this happened to you: You’ve been walking for a half-hour or more and start to get light-headed because you haven’t had a bite to eat since those pancakes, sausages, home fries and cinnamon buns at breakfast. At the very least there should be vending machines so you can bring up your blood sugar with a few Devil Dogs or bags of pork rinds.

And would it kill anybody if there were a Motel 6 or two? What are you supposed to do if it rains? Sleep in a tent? Puh-leeze.

And what about replacing those port-a-potties with modern plumbing? Have you ever set foot in one of those outhouses? Nuff said.

Eco-terrorists are ruining it for everybody just because they think the wilderness is something special. What’s so wonderful about mosquitoes, deer ticks or poison ivy? Isn’t that why they invented Raid and Roundup?

Back to cellphone towers: They make ‘em now that blend right in with the surrounding terrain, so what’s the big deal?

All you see is what looks like a 400-foot redwood towering over a bunch of puny pines and hemlocks. Heck, people might even go out of their way to see the giant “tree.” You could charge admission.

It’s time to get your heads out of the swamp, all you so-called conservationists, and join the 21st century.

When it comes to cellphone towers, it’s time to answer nature’s call.

 

 

Reader Comments

MORE BLOGS

In Waning Winter, An 'Above Par' Snow-Kayaking Adventure

With snow cover stubbornly lingering and whitewater kayaking season still more than a month away, what’s an impatient paddler to do? Easy: Snow-kayaking.

What Snow and Ice? The Maple Sap Is Running!

Every year about this time, after having spent the past few months shoveling tons of snow from the driveway, lugging tons of firewood from the shed, getting out of bed dozens of times at 3 a.m. to stoke the stove, hauling countless buckets of...

Finally! A Worthy Snowstorm -- Maybe Even a Bombogenesis!

Just when we winter worshipers had resigned ourselves to another snowless season, and only a day after the temperature climbed ridiculously into the 60s, our prayers have been answered not just by an ordinary storm but by a meteorological...

Animal Tracks in the Snow: They All Tell a Story

If you thought most forest animals hibernated in winter, or at least slept through the night, take a stroll through the woods the morning after a snowfall.

What Does the Fox Say? Yip-yip-yip! Chance Encounters With Creatures Great and Small

While I lugged logs from the woodshed the other morning a yip-yip-yip! pierced the still air. First reaction: Did the neighbors get a dog? No, they were out of town for a few days. Yip-yip-yip!

Ringling Bros., SeaWorld and the Columbus Zoo: Pitfalls of Keeping Elephants, Orcas and Gorillas in Captivity

Large, wild animals belong in the wild, not in a circus, aquarium or zoo – a point reinforced by events involving three prominent, unrelated institutions in the last couple weeks.

Our Debt of Gratitude to President Obama, the Environmentalist-in-Chief

As we prepare to inaugurate a president who has repeatedly called climate change a "hoax," appointed as Environmental Protection Agency administrator an Oklahoma attorney general who is suing that agency, named the CEO of ExxonMobil as secretary...

Call of the Wild: A Clash Over Cellphones in The Great Outdoors

"Yeah, I’m standing on the summit now! … The view is incredible – I can’t believe I’m getting a signal up here!"

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Plunging into Icy Fishers Island Sound at the Annual New Year's Day Run-Swim

Look, I’m not going to lie: While some longtime participants in one of southeastern Connecticut’s most enduring, challenging and madcap traditions insist that plunging into icy water after a run on Jan. 1 is a refreshing and...

No Such Thing as Too Much Fun: A Great 2016; Hopes for an Even Better 2017

When it comes to adventurous fun my philosophy has always been too much is never enough, so when I look back at the highlights of the past 12 months, as I typically do when the calendar is about to flip, I can honestly say that 2016 was a...

Hey, Has Anybody Else Noticed It's Gotten A Little Chilly?

I guess I first realized the temperature had dropped a few degrees when I went out for a 5-mile run this morning and noticed that my eyelids had started to freeze shut, which loyal readers will recognize as Level IV on the Fagin Frigidity Index,...

Granola Munchers Vs. Snickers Gobblers: Conflict Over Plans for a Hotel on New Hampshire's Mount Washington

The first time friends and I trudged up New Hampshire’s Mount Washington in winter the frozen peak might as well have been Antarctica – hurricane-force winds and blinding snow battered us, the only climbers that day atop the highest...

How to Build a Stone Wall in 14,863 Easy Steps

I realized long ago that you’re never really finished building a stone wall, even after you’ve dragged and hefted into place what seemed like the final boulder, exhaled mightily and stepped back to admire your work.