Cellphone Towers in State Parks: Answering Nature’s Call

What is it with wacky environmentalists who are fighting to block construction of cellphone towers in state parks and forests?

Next thing you know they’ll be trying to keep ATVs and dirt bikes from using the trails.

The problem isn’t too many towers, it’s too few of them. When’s the last time you got more than one bar on your Nokia while out in some godforsaken boondocks?

What would happen if you got lost and couldn’t get a signal? Do you think the Sierra Club, which is urging the Connecticut General Assembly to shoot down a law to allow wilderness tower construction, would go looking for you?

This raises another question: How come the state doesn’t permit fast-food restaurants, motels or convenience stores in parks and forests? What’s up with that?

How many times has this happened to you: You’ve been walking for a half-hour or more and start to get light-headed because you haven’t had a bite to eat since those pancakes, sausages, home fries and cinnamon buns at breakfast. At the very least there should be vending machines so you can bring up your blood sugar with a few Devil Dogs or bags of pork rinds.

And would it kill anybody if there were a Motel 6 or two? What are you supposed to do if it rains? Sleep in a tent? Puh-leeze.

And what about replacing those port-a-potties with modern plumbing? Have you ever set foot in one of those outhouses? Nuff said.

Eco-terrorists are ruining it for everybody just because they think the wilderness is something special. What’s so wonderful about mosquitoes, deer ticks or poison ivy? Isn’t that why they invented Raid and Roundup?

Back to cellphone towers: They make ‘em now that blend right in with the surrounding terrain, so what’s the big deal?

All you see is what looks like a 400-foot redwood towering over a bunch of puny pines and hemlocks. Heck, people might even go out of their way to see the giant “tree.” You could charge admission.

It’s time to get your heads out of the swamp, all you so-called conservationists, and join the 21st century.

When it comes to cellphone towers, it’s time to answer nature’s call.

 

 

Reader Comments

MORE BLOGS

A Snowy Hike To Carter Notch In New Hampshire's White Mountains

Midway up the staggeringly steep Wildcat Ridge Trail in New Hampshire’s White Mountains earlier this week, after my son, Tom, and I had postholed up to our knees 487 times through rotten snow despite wearing snowshoes, we began...

Ah, Spring: Moving Rocks, Lugging Logs, Digging Holes And Other Fun Activities

A 3-foot-high mound of snow still stubbornly piled beneath the deck serves as a grim reminder of this past winter’s relentless brutality, and of the months spent shoveling, shoveling, shoveling.

A Short But Sweet Eagle-Watching Season On The Lower Connecticut River

The hummingbird hovers, sparrow flutters, tern dives, duck flaps frenetically, but in the avian world the eagle soars majestically, barely moving its enormous wings while wheeling effortlessly through the heavens.

A Grand Canyon Gondola Ride – What An Idea! How About A Tram Up Mount Everest?

I don’t know about you, but I was extraordinarily excited to hear about plans to build a gondola tram that would take visitors 1.6 miles to the floor of the Grand Canyon in 10 minutes – way faster and less strenuous than...

The Magic and Misadventures of Making Maple Syrup

The instant the whirring drill bit pulled free from the trunk of a maple tree behind our house the other morning a splendid stream of sap began oozing before I had a chance to pound a metal spile into the half-inch-wide hole.

A Tough Time For Deer, But Elephants Finally Catch A Break (Sort Of)

Traipsing on snowshoes the other day through, over and around waist-high drifts in the woods behind our house I crossed a veritable superhighway of deer tracks that meandered among the rhododendron, laurel, pine, spruce and fir, and...

Death in the White Mountains: Recklessness and The False Security of GPS, Cellphones and Locator Beacons

After being battered by 70 mph winds, blinded by whipping snow and nearly frozen in temperatures that plunged to 20 below zero and beyond, Kate Matrosova must have realized early on she had no hope of completing her solo climb of four of...

You Never Miss The Water Till The Well Runs Dry — Or The Pipes Freeze

After shoveling a path to the woodshed the other day for the 138th time this season (or so it seemed) and lugging what certainly felt like the 862nd load of logs to the house and the 243rd bucket of wood stove ashes to the distant pit,...

Hey! Wanna Ride? Detroit Distance Walker James Robertson Shouldn't Look A Gift Car In The Hood, But ...

You no doubt have heard about James Robertson, the 56-year-old Detroit man who for more than a decade walked 21 miles a day to and from his factory job because he couldn’t afford a car.

Blizzard Be Damned – A Great Day To Enjoy The Outdoors

With blizzard-force winds whipping great clouds of snow across the frozen lake and waist-high drifts piled above 2 feet of still-accumulating powder, the only question was: Snowshoes or cross-country skis?

Kill The North Stonington Mountain Lion! (And Other Phrases I Hope People Never Utter)

Every time there’s a report of a dangerous, predatory animal prowling local woods or waterways I fervently wish that two things don’t happen: