Cellphone Towers in State Parks: Answering Nature’s Call

What is it with wacky environmentalists who are fighting to block construction of cellphone towers in state parks and forests?

Next thing you know they’ll be trying to keep ATVs and dirt bikes from using the trails.

The problem isn’t too many towers, it’s too few of them. When’s the last time you got more than one bar on your Nokia while out in some godforsaken boondocks?

What would happen if you got lost and couldn’t get a signal? Do you think the Sierra Club, which is urging the Connecticut General Assembly to shoot down a law to allow wilderness tower construction, would go looking for you?

This raises another question: How come the state doesn’t permit fast-food restaurants, motels or convenience stores in parks and forests? What’s up with that?

How many times has this happened to you: You’ve been walking for a half-hour or more and start to get light-headed because you haven’t had a bite to eat since those pancakes, sausages, home fries and cinnamon buns at breakfast. At the very least there should be vending machines so you can bring up your blood sugar with a few Devil Dogs or bags of pork rinds.

And would it kill anybody if there were a Motel 6 or two? What are you supposed to do if it rains? Sleep in a tent? Puh-leeze.

And what about replacing those port-a-potties with modern plumbing? Have you ever set foot in one of those outhouses? Nuff said.

Eco-terrorists are ruining it for everybody just because they think the wilderness is something special. What’s so wonderful about mosquitoes, deer ticks or poison ivy? Isn’t that why they invented Raid and Roundup?

Back to cellphone towers: They make ‘em now that blend right in with the surrounding terrain, so what’s the big deal?

All you see is what looks like a 400-foot redwood towering over a bunch of puny pines and hemlocks. Heck, people might even go out of their way to see the giant “tree.” You could charge admission.

It’s time to get your heads out of the swamp, all you so-called conservationists, and join the 21st century.

When it comes to cellphone towers, it’s time to answer nature’s call.

 

 

Reader Comments

MORE BLOGS

The Endless Summer: Too Much Of A Good Thing?

Remember when you were a kid how your mom wouldn’t let you have ice cream every day even though nothing in the world tasted better on a hot day than a double scoop of butter crunch?

My Favorite Kayak Race: The T.I.A.G.A.T.I.N.M.R. In Rangeley, Maine

Paddling like the dickens last Sunday on Maine’s Rangeley Lake, we competitors had two choices: steer clockwise or counter-clockwise around Maneskootuk Island.

Selden Island: Once A Bustling Quarry, Now A Quiet Haven

More than 40 years ago, Dave Wordell of Salem took his then-10-year-old son, Dave Junior, on a boat ride up Selden Creek, a narrow, secluded tributary of the Connecticut River in Lyme.

Life As A Lumbersexual

I can never remember – do you apply facial cleanser before or after the exfoliating scrub, and then finish up with healing balm and moisturizer, or should you start with the scrub, work your way through the cleanser and then top...

R.I.P. Cecil the Lion: Let's Make the Trophy Hunter an Endangered Species

The international outrage sparked by an American trophy hunter’s killing of Cecil, Zimbabwe’s beloved lion, justifiably vilifies the despicable practice of slaughtering wildlife for sport – but it also exposes the human...

All Who Wander Are Not Lost: Searching For The Elusive South Bog Stream In Rangeley, Maine

"Head for that tree stump," I instructed authoritatively one afternoon earlier this week, as if I knew for sure where we should be heading. I have learned to exude confidence when giving directions on any expedition, even...

Scott Jurek's 'Reward' For Breaking Appalachian Trail Speed Record: Three Summonses

When internationally celebrated speedster Scott Jurek scrambled last Sunday to the 5,269-foot summit of Mount Katahdin, the northern terminus of the Appalachian Trail, he broke the record for the fastest assisted hike of the 2,189-mile...

No Swimming at Seaside: What’s Next? No Hiking at Bluff Point?

Most of the time I’m reasonably scrupulous about abiding by government regulations.

Training For Mystic Sharkfest: The Loneliness Of The Long-Distance Swimmer

Among the many benefits of active recreation is hanging out with friends – which of course you can do at a bar, pizza parlor or coffee shop, but since most of my pals prefer to spend their leisure time on the trail or water, we...

Stung By Wasps AND Suffering From Lyme Disease: I Can't Catch A Break

You know that funny, itchy feeling when something is crawling around or worse, lodged where it doesn’t belong?

Which Is Worse: Getting Devoured By A Grizzly Bear Or A Great White Shark?

During years of roaming hither and yon on land and sea, I’ve been chased by a grizzly bear, nearly trampled by stampeding yaks, charged by a bull, attacked by swarms of hornets and almost struck by a copperhead – but what...

A Whitewater Dream Taking Shape in Willimantic

Asked to name the best whitewater kayaking and canoeing stretches in Connecticut, most paddlers would single out a gnarly, 2.6-mile section of Class IV rapids on the Housatonic River from Bulls Bridge Dam to Gaylordville, or Diana's Pool...

My War With Canada Geese

Years ago I looked forward to autumn, not so much for the kaleidoscopic foliage but because the evening serenade of migrating Canada geese that lulled me to sleep.