Mr. I: But the Italians will always have pasta

Idle Thoughts, while waiting for our nation to gasp over 1,200 Olympians they've never heard of, Robbie Cano's MVP award and for Ray Allen to receive a standing o upon his return:

• Mr. Idle, Mr. I to his close friends, remains depressed over Italy's failure in Euro 2012.

Of course, we still lead the world in the categories of "culture," "food" and "revenge."

But we'll have to wait two years to claim soccer back from icky Spain.

(Sigh).

• A voice mail (verbatim) sent to Mr. I last week:

"Just calling to let you know I'm canceling my subscription. You guys don't even have wherewithal to print the outcome of the District 11 girls' softball game out of Norwich. But you can print your bad news stories and all the crime that happens in Norwich. You make me sick. I think the New London Day is nothing but a toilet paper."

It got Mr. I thinking.

Could this guy be on to something?

We all know most people read the paper in that certain room that features, among other things, toilet paper.

What if we went to softer, gentler, two-ply newsprint, thereby making The Day more practical?

You could read the paper and then use it instead of, you know, Quilted Northern.

It could make us a critical part of every household.

• Mr. I nearly needed grief counseling over the travails of David Ortiz.

Poor, beloved Papi all "humiliated" and "embarrassed" over his contract situation.

"There's no reason a guy like me should go through that," Papi told USA Today.

No reason at all, Papi.

Mr. I is with you.

Those cold, horrible, unfeeling, mean Red Sox.

Who have only paid you $79 million since 2003.

• Has anybody considered what would happen if Ava Gardner married New York Daily News sportswriter Peter Botte, whose last name is pronounced "body?"

Of course you haven't.

But if Ava divorced Peter for Washington Nationals pitcher Chien-Ming Wang, and then divorced him for Patriots cornerback Patrick Chung?

Of course you haven't.

But if she divorced Chung for former Jets receiver Al Toon and finally settled on Bobby Knight, she'd be an underrated song from the 1980s.

(Ava Botte Wang Chung Toon Knight).

(Sorry. Mr. I has to do something when he's up with Little I at 3 a.m.)

• Mr. I begins the campaign now for Sun guard Allison Hightower to win the WNBA's Most Improved Player Award.

• Note to all you St. Bernard people:

Tread lightly.

Keep rankling Mr. I. and he might have to lose his sunny disposition.

• Mr. I's pal Al in Waterford sends this along from a Canadian newspaper:

"A hockey game between adolescent players in Vancouver ended with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police arresting a coach who was accused of tripping a 13-year-old member of an opposing team in the postgame handshake line."

Let's keep force-feeding handshake lines, though.

Such a deep, substantive gesture.

• Mr. I sends get well wishes to Bud Bray, a faithful reader of The Day.

Can't wait till you are back posting.

• Great line from Elvis Duran's syndicated morning radio show:

Elvis to female caller: "How come women are never ready in five minutes when they say, "I'll be ready in five minutes?"

Woman to Elvis: "It's the same 'five minutes' as the last 'five minutes' of a football game."

• Finally, we end with a request for all of Mr. I's constituents.

Dave and Linda Pfeiffer of New London have organized a can and bottle drive to help pay the costs of adopting a child.

Save all your empties and drop them off at 47 Woodlawn Road, New London.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro.

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