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They're at it again, proving not only that crime doesn't pay, but that criminals aren't very smart.
Lest you doubt this, here are some fresh examples from police reports from just the last month.
• An East Lyme man is charged with robbery after a crime committed near an East Lyme doughnut shop, which is located across the street from the police station. The suspect was found hiding on the roof of a nearby building.
The lesson here: Put at least one block between yourself and police before committing a crime. And never, ever consider a crime at a doughnut shop near a police station.
• A 25-year-old man is arrested in Norwich after getting into an altercation with a police officer. The prosecutor said the incident began when the man approached the driver's side of a parked police cruiser and said he had been smoking "too much dust."
The lesson: If you've been smoking too much dust, stay away from police cruisers.
• A 25-year-old member of the Mashantucket Pequot tribe is charged with armed robbery in connection with an assault with a handgun that occurred on a high floor of the Mohegan Sun hotel. The suspect later fled on foot, but a police dog lost his scent along the water in Norwich. Police said they eventually made an arrest after getting a tip.
Lesson: You might make a better escape from your own tribe's casino, since you might know the landscape better. And once you've made an escape, keep your mouth shut.
• A Norwich woman is charged with possession of narcotics, possession of cocaine and possession of marijuana with intent to sell. She was also charged with speeding.
Lesson: If you have a car full of drugs, drive the speed limit.
• A lineman for Groton Utilities is charged with first-degree larceny after some tools with a Groton Utilities sticker turn up on eBay. A Groton Utilities spokesman refused to talk about the case or say whether the lineman is still employed there.
One lesson is that you should take the owner's name off something when you steal it. Another curious lesson is that executives of a utility that has lost tens of millions of dollars in recent years apparently don't want to talk about tools that go missing.
• A Branford man is charged with possession of stolen rifles after a domestic dispute at home.
Lesson: Mind your manners at home if you're trying to hide stolen guns.
• Police arrest a Gales Ferry man for taking his neighbor's car without permission.
• A New London man is charged with assault and robbery after an incident in an alley off Bank Street. Police, after responding, arrest the suspect when a witness points him out walking away from the scene.
• An East Lyme man is charged with conspiracy to sell a controlled substance after police say he had 3 pounds of marijuana mailed to him at the local post office.
Lesson: A little bit of pot smells. Three pounds stinks.
• A suspect in New London is charged with second-degree assault in what police said was an attack with a frying pan.
A frying pan?
THIS IS THE OPINION OF DAVID COLLINS.