- Dear Abby
- Games & Puzzles
- Events & Exhibits
- Food & Drink
- Arts & Music
- Movies & TV
Rick Koster offers weekly lists of ideas, notions and things that must be seen to be believed. This week: winter safety tips.
As my sainted mother's Farmer's Almanac warned us, this is apparently going to be a vicious winter. Folks need to be careful - but at the same time the "safety tips" we see on the news and in newspapers seem a little obvious. We should dress warmly? Really?! Thanks for that!
Perhaps my carefully compiled compendium of winter safety precautions are a little more helpful. Memorize them!
1. Don't try to thaw frozen hands or feet with a flamethrower.
2. If you're going to be outside for an extended period in sub-zero temperatures - no matter what the old-wives'-tales say - NEVER stick your head in an extra-large football helmet filled with crushed ice.
3. Those "Ski Naked!" messages on T-shirts are actually lighthearted jokes and should not be taken literally, particularly if you're skiing down the south side of Nanga Parbat.
4. Don't ski down the south side of Nanga Parbat.
5. To the more outdoorsy citizenry at large: do not seek shelter in an active volcano or a crematorium oven.