Rick's List: Olympic edition

Rick Koster offers weekly lists of ideas, notions and things that must be seen to be believed.

The Olympics have dominated airwaves for two weeks. This has resulted in the usual tsunami of athlete-endorsement commercials or Olympic-themed ads for products that have nothing to do with sports.

Me? I'm grateful. It would never have occurred to me to eat at Subway when that Jared Fogel goober was telling me to. Apolo Ohno, on the other hand? If that dude tells me a foot-long BLT is a medal-worthy sandwich, I'll buy 13 of them!

For all of this transparent marketing, though, here is a list of Olympic ads I've yet to see but hope to before the last medal is awarded - or before Ukraine vaporizes, whichever comes first.

1. "Go for priapic gold with Viagra!"

2. "If you want your elevators and commodes to function and your bathroom doors to unlock in a fashion never imagined in Sochi's Olympic Village, call Dan Oakcake Construction! Our work ... works!"

3. "Hi, I'm Bruce Jenner, winner of the decathlon at Monteal in '76. You know, even though we all get older, we can still be competitive. If you want to win your ongoing race against age, let me tell you about my plastic surgeon!"

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