In high school, I couldn't tell which text book was more difficult to read, "Beginning Latin" or "Intro to Chemistry." Both were equally incomprehensible.

I sorta got the incomprehensibility of Latin because, well, it's a foreign (and obsolete) language.

Chemistry, though, is a science — and therein is the problem. Scientists and chemists and physicists and doctors and engineers and pharmacists go out of their collective way to make things really hard and, hence, to morons like myself, intimidating and mysterious.

For example, every Thursday, I go on the Lee Elci radio program with my pal and fellow guest, Dr. John Foley, a cardiologist. When the Doc is talking medicine and starts rattling off protein compounds and pericardial effusions, I can't follow one word he says other than, " ... and in conclusion, you're going to die."

To a point, there are reasons for the Difficulty Factor in many of these sciences and disciplines. But one thing that seems unnecessary is that drug names are long and impossible to pronounce — much less comprehend.

For example, did you know "acetylcholine chloride intraocular solution" is a parasympathomimetic preparation for intraocular use? Of course you didn't! That's the chemistry stuff I was talking about! And, oh, how they laughed when they made that one up.

Worse, though, are the kooks who make and market acetylcholine chloride for public consumption — and STILL make it hard by calling it "Miochol-E." Huh?!

Why can't the science and pharmaceutical people go about naming their compounds and for-the-public drugs in the same fashion that we normal folks use when naming pets?

In this context, here are three examples of what could make the world a better place:

1. Original chemistry name: Methylergonovine Maleate (a semi-synthetic ergot alkaloid used for the prevention and control of postpartum hemorrhage)

Pharmaceutical marketing name: Methergine®

If Rick Was in Charge name: "Donny"

2. Original chemistry name: Drotrecogin alfa (used to treat sepsis in patients who have a high risk of death due to multi-system organ failure)

Pharmaceutical marketing name: Xigris

If Rick Was in Charge name: "Ol' Chief"

3. Original chemistry name: Ticarcillin and clavulanate potassium (thwarts lycanthropy)

Pharmaceutical marketing name: Timetim

"If Rick Was in Charge" name: "Wooky"