And now for another installment from Columnist Of The People (COTP), otherwise known as a pathetic Dear Abby-knockoff for casual sports fans.

Today's topic: Valentine's Day.

OK. COTP knows that Tuesday is about our significant others. And nothing runs afoul of our significant others worse than sports and sports watching. It's like this: Sports watchers want to watch sports either out with their friends or home yelling at the television. Our significant others want to know where we are, who we're out with and why we're yelling at inanimate objects.

Ah, but COTP, in his ever noble quest to create peace and harmony, will use Valentine's Day to promote collaboration and consensus, as the educators like to say, so we can all watch more sports together.

First, we pay homage to all the sports figures who marry the concepts of sports and love. A partial list: Former Mets pitcher Ron Darling, Illinois football coach Lovie Smith, Hartford Courant sportswriter Dom Amore, Babe Ruth, former Old Lyme High basketball player George Doll, WNBA player Sugar Rodgers, Cavs forward Kevin Love, former Mets and Sox manager Bobby Valentine, former Met/Expo Ellis Valentine, former wrestler Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and former Waterford High athlete Davonta Valentine.

Feel free to add others in the comments section. And if you've lost your sense of humor, feel free to get lost.

To break the ice, COTP recommends sending your significant other a sports-themed candy heart. COTP has some suggestions:

"Down in front!" (and come sit next to me)

"See that white square thing on the baseball field? That's first base (wink, wink)."

Or you can get edgy and assemble your own offensive line. Like maybe, "what's a nice significant other like you doing in a dopey column like this?"

COTP knows it's hard to watch sporting events with lesser informed significant others. They ask questions while you are trying to focus. Just don't get caught being loud and wrong at the same time.

Example: This past football season, COTP was barking at Troy Aikman (through the television) over a rules interpretation during a Giants game. When it became apparent COTP was incorrect, he had to endure smirks from across the room. So sports fans: brush up on your stuff.

Now for the harmony part. You'll be watching the game and can say something like, "would you get me another beer, babe?"

Babe might reply: "Another?"

And you'll say: "Yes. I'm trying to stay hydrated so we can live a longer, happier life together." (Come on. That's gold.)

Or maybe your significant other wants to watch the game with food, but the best you come up with is, "how about we get wings?"

Babe might reply: "Wings?"

You say: "Well, I'm short on cash right now because I had to pay my entry fees for my 27 fantasy baseball teams up front. But with the money I win, I thought we could get you a lifetime membership to Norwich Inn and Spa and maybe we could get new curtains with the rest."

We all know that maybe the most difficult area of sports watching with our significant others is justifying outbursts of emotion. Like yelling at the television. This is a dicey area. But it's not like your significant others are innocent either. Like have you ever noticed them at, like, swim meets? They're screaming at the kids while ... the kids are under water. They're in no better shape to hear anything than the people inside the television. COTP has no issues pointing these things out.

Still, though, can't you just feel the harmony, in that "I'd like to teach the world to sing" kind of way?

But then, this is why you read COTP.

So how about you try it, the next time you are spending a quiet evening at home with your significant other? Put the game on. Send a candy heart. Ask for another beer. Point out Kevin Love or Ron Darling. Treat the television with respect. And know your rules. Those smirks will kill you.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro