Groton — When a child repeatedly acts up in a classroom, what Superintendent Michael Graner hears is: “Get this kid out of here.”

He often doesn't hear the compassion he would if a child got sick with a physical illness, he said.

Instead, children and families struggling with mental illness often confront an attitude of judgment and blame — it’s the kid’s fault or the parents' fault, members of a mental health summit said Thursday.

It's this stigma that the nearly 50 educators, parents and clinicians gathered on Thursday at Robert E. Fitch High School want to try to address. The second Summit on Infant Child and Adolescent Mental Health met to discuss awareness, prevention, childhood trauma and high-risk behavior, among the topics, and work on an action plan to support children and families.

“It’s really hard to have kids who are acting out or spitting, so the teachers struggle,” said Mary Johnson, a special education teacher in Waterford. But there’s another side to this, she said.

“We would never let a child go without food or shelter, but we let them go without having a sense of community,” she said. “If you don’t belong to a group, then you’re missing that part, and that’s another trauma.”

Groton City Police Chief Thomas Davoren said people ask all the time, “What do I do?” Police have referrals for victims of domestic violence and for people struggling with substance abuse, but not for mental health, he said.

Stephen Pulaski, a counselor for Groton Youth and Family Services, said that for some people seeking help, “there’s a sense of this abyss.”

Members of the summit discussed specific issues in small groups, then reconvened to share their goals. They plan to meet again before another summit, possibly in the spring, and to hold a wellness and mental health fair in May to draw attention to the issue and offer resources.

The groups also plan to compile a list of resources for parents and families, including the names of providers accepting new patients. The summit will post mental health information more immediately on websites, such as the Groton Public Schools website, so it will be easy for people to access.

Groton Public Schools, Groton City, Groton Town and Children First Groton hosted Thursday’s summit jointly.

While resource lists help, families need the support of community and other parents, members said.

Anngie Stanfield, a substitute teacher in Groton, said her niece suffers from bipolar disorder, a serious mental illness. Stanfield’s sister volunteers with McLean Hospital, a psychiatric hospital affiliated with Harvard Medical School, and accompanies hospital staff to talk as a parent to other parents.

“We’re missing that,” Stanfield said. Doctors and social workers can’t understand all that parents are going through same way other parents can, she said. “We’re so quick to say, ‘You need to go to a professional,’” she said.

Mirca Reyes, who works in the Exceptional Family Member Program at the Naval Submarine Base, said families need support, as some children might see a doctor or counselor once a month.

“Who’s going to support you for the other 29-30 days,” she asked, adding, “I don’t want them floundering for the rest of the month until the next doctor’s appointment.”

Assistant Superintendent Susan Austin said the whole purpose of the summit was to bring talented people together to come up with a plan to help children.

“They can’t be learning unless they’re in a good, stable place,” she said.

 d.straszheim@theday.com