'Never give up hope' is message from East Lyme family with mother, daughter battling cancer
East Lyme — On a spring evening, the Gauthier family sits down for dinner at their Niantic home as sunlight streams in through the windows. Outside, daffodils have begun blooming in their garden.
Parents Ashley and Brian talk quietly with their daughter, Molly, 5, dressed in a bright yellow shirt with a ladybug on it, over plates of macaroni and cheese and broccoli.
Ashley asks her daughter what she did in school today, and Molly says she played outside and did art projects.
“We’re learning about flowers ... and seeds,” Molly says.
Ashley, 31, and Molly have a lot in common. The mother and daughter both love crafts, coloring and keeping things neat and organized.
They are also both battling cancer. Ashley was diagnosed with spindle cell sarcoma and Molly with leukemia, which is in remission.
Ashley said that through it all, her message is to never give up.
Back when Ashley was about 18 months old, her mother, Patti Baier, noticed that her eyes had a glow like a cat’s eyes. Though doctors couldn’t find anything wrong, Ashley’s mother persisted until a doctor finally determined that Ashley had bilateral retinoblastoma.
She was treated with radiation. While 99 percent of the people who have that cancer go blind, she was in “that 1 percent” and the doctors called her the “miracle baby,” she said.
Ashley continued to get check-ups and watched for any signs that the cancer was returning. About four years ago, she went to doctors after experiencing nasal issues. A biopsy revealed a tumor. She was diagnosed with spindle cell sarcoma, which she believes may be linked to the radiation treatments she had as an infant.
Ashley learned the tumor had started growing up to the socket of her right eye and had reached her brain. She had surgery to remove the tumor and lost her right eye. She has continued with scans and treatment. It’s been a long battle in which she also contracted meningitis and pneumonia and had the side of her face reconstructed several times.
But Ashley said she has been fighting. She said there is no cure for sarcoma cancer patients, but there are treatments she can try to stabilize her health.
Ashley’s health was stable when, in May 2016, the family noticed Molly had a limp; she was treated for Lyme disease. Molly then went to get her annual physical, and her white blood count came in low so doctors sent her for further testing.
Molly was kept overnight at Yale Pediatrics. When doctors came in to tell Ashley that Molly had malignant cell growth and appeared to have leukemia, Ashley ran out of the hospital room and dropped to the floor in the hallway.
“Why, after everything that I’m going through, would she have to go through something like this?” she asked herself. “I have this beautiful, healthy daughter, and this just couldn’t be happening to me.”
Ashley said the most difficult thing for her to do was go back into Molly’s hospital room with a smile on her face. But she said she knew she had to be a mom and be strong and not let the tears show.
Molly ended up being diagnosed with the beginning stages of acute lymphoblastic leukemia, for which she is being treated. She is now in remission and returned to school in January.
“It was very, very difficult and honestly sometimes I don’t know how I got through it and that scares me, too,” Ashley said. “But I’m here today. I’m alive. My daughter is alive. We’re being treated and loved to the greatest we can be and we just keep pushing forward and never giving up hope.”
When Molly was diagnosed, Ashley said she was angry. She cried a lot and kept on asking “why?” But she said it’s important not to dwell on why. She now gives herself five minutes a day to ask that question, but then it’s time to hope, plan the day and push forward.
Ashley said that her health recently took a turn for the worse.
“I look at the world a lot differently now that my life is now pending on one or two more types of treatments out there that I’m in the process of working on,” she said. “It’s scary — the unknown. Am I going to live? Am I going to pass away? Do I want to pass away? No. Do I want to be here with my daughter? Yeah. But that’s up to God and if I don’t make it, God has a reason why. I’m needed somewhere else to inspire somebody, and if that’s what needs to be done, then I know Molly will know, it will be explained to her one day, my husband knows greatly that that’s why.”
Ashley said Molly has taught her so much and given her strength.
When Ashley lost her hair, she said she felt embarrassed to leave the house without a wig and had to find a wig that would resemble her hair before she had chopped it off.
But when Ashley went to a restaurant with Molly after her hair was cut off, Molly took her own hat right off and said, “Oh, I don’t need that, Mommy.”
Molly has taught her not to worry about the little things. Ashley said that while she loves to clean and keep things in order, she knows that life is not all about that: it’s about spending time with loved ones.
Help from friends and family
Ashley said she wants to teach Molly to pursue what makes her happy in life.
“I just teach her to be strong-willed and never give up,” she said. “That’s the biggest thing: never give up.”
Ashley said her strength comes from “little pieces of everybody” that touched her life. She said her mom, who fought for her and wouldn’t take no for an answer when Ashley showed signs that something was wrong as an infant, is her first inspiration. She said her friends and family, including her husband, parents, grandparents, in-laws Bob and Connie Gauthier, and her aunt and uncle Debbie and Albert Morgia, also have been supportive.
The Gauthiers said they received help from the community, including East Lyme High School, foundations and Kiddie Kampus Learning Center, Molly’s school.
“It’s been amazing watching Ashley go through this whole thing and then Molly being diagnosed with leukemia,” said Bob Linden, Ashley’s father. “She’s a strong woman, and I’m impressed with how she has handled things over the year.”
Brian, Ashley’s husband, said that when Ashley isn’t feeling well, Molly wants nothing more than to help her mom. She’ll bring her a drink of water, get her tissues, ask her what she needs, and help him make breakfast. When she’s feeling good, they color, play games and go outside.
He said Ashley wants to do everything best for Molly and also make sure they have fun.
Brian said the journey has been overwhelming, but the family treats every day as if it’s a new day. They are following the doctors’ plans and on days when they aren’t well enough to go out in public, they find fun things to do, like arts and crafts projects, a walk down their street or taking Molly on a ride on her Power Wheels, a Christmas present from her grandparents.
“At work, I’ve had people say, ‘You’re amazing. How do you do this? If we didn’t know what was going on, we’d have no idea,’ and I said, ‘I’m not the amazing one. It’s my daughter. It’s my wife,’” he said, adding that when he goes to work, he focuses on his job, rather than dwelling on everything.
“Try and do as many things that are good, as you can,” he said. “Get out and do as much as you can. Make life the best you can.”
Ashley said that she wants to share with others who are going through something the strongest words she knows: never giving up.
When Ashley wasn’t feeling well one day, never giving up meant setting a goal of taking a five-minute walk outside. She said it could mean something different for everybody, from something as simple as brushing your teeth every day to doing a good deed.
“Now is your time to fight. Now is your time to hope,” she added. “Do something. Take that five-minute walk. Set an even simpler goal: taking a shower, dusting a drawer, folding a load of laundry. Whatever it will be that will make you happy. Never giving up is the most important thing.”
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