Although our friends think my husband and I are a devoted couple, something has come between us. It’s not money problems or cheating. It’s technology. I’m an English major and he’s a computer geek. He thinks computer problems are interesting and solvable. They’re not.

Our latest brouhaha occurred when my email program, IncrediMail, informed me it “failed to connect” and stopped getting my mail. My husband cooperated at first and tried to fix it. He couldn’t. He blamed IncrediMail. “It’s a stupid program. It’s about time you changed to Gmail which everyone uses!” That meant I’d need a new email program, new provider, new address and new user name.

This was a frightening prospect. First, IncrediMail came with an adorable notifier. When I got a new email, a cartoon dog showed up. He blinked, wagged his tail and held an envelope in his mouth. How could I give him up!

“Can you find me another program with a dog? “ I asked my husband.

“There are no dogs,” was his answer. He found a program he thought I’d like because “It’s uncomplicated.” Ouch. Condescending, but true. The program is called Mozilla, which is a turn-off right there. I pictured a monstrous gorilla retrieving my mail.

Names matter to me but I was surprised computer-man was sensitive to words as well. He objected to my old email provider because it was called “snet.net.” I have to admit, many people found it peculiar. I was slightly embarrassed to have to say “snet” and I was always asked to spell it. One of my cousins thought it was snot.net. Someone said, “That’s an old server.” It’s bad enough I’m aging, I don’t need to hear that my email service is as well. Reluctantly, I accepted Gmail.

Resigned to using Gorilla (oops, Mozilla) I now needed a new email name since rosemary.adams was taken. Adding my maiden name, Redlinsky, made it too long so I’ve become red adams. It sounds like it belongs to someone in an old Western. I picture myself as a cowgirl swaggering up to a bar, as the bartender says, “Hey, Red. Want a cold one?”

Next I had to import my contacts. Of course nothing went smoothly in this tortuous process. Mozilla imported a handful of old contacts from some previous list and that was it. I recognized that I was becoming a nag and a whiner as I asked computer- man yet again, “Help, please.” He couldn’t import my current list. He was stumped. He concluded the only solution was for me to laboriously type in each name and address with their tiresome underscores, dots and numbers. I gritted my teeth, made faces at computer-man behind his back, was sure he was doing this to me on purpose, but got it done.

Finally I was ready to let my contacts know I have a new email provider. At the zero hour I decided to shorten the list and delete a few people. “How do I do that?” I called to computer-man who was three rooms away. “Highlight the list and click ‘delete’ on the ones you select.” “OK. Finished! Yay!” And the whole list disappeared. We don’t normally use profanity but lots of swearing happened.

I’m back to square one. I can get gorilla mail but only three people know that address - my sons and my dear husband. Meanwhile the little dog keeps showing up on my desktop blinking and loyally waiting for me to open IncrediMail which I can’t. Ahead of me lies the chore of typing all those contacts again.

Red Adams is ready to saddle up and ride off into the sunset.

You can reach Rosemary R. Adams, an occasional freelance writer for The Day, at rosemaryredadams@gmail.com -- we think. She lives in Norwich.