Fans of the football Giants will find their souls more conflicted than usual Sunday. Whom to root for at 4:25 p.m.? The Cowboys or the Patriots? Oh, the humanity. It's like asking whether you'd prefer to die in a blazing plane crash or getting mauled by a grizzly.

Kind of like the poor Yankee fans during the 1986 World Series. Sox or Mets (I rooted for a tie before remembering it wasn't soccer).

So anyway ... your favorite provocative, analytical correspondent asked a few of the more prominent Giants fans he knows how they plan to make sense of late Sunday afternoon.

• Joe D'Ambrosio, radio voice of UConn sports and afternoon drive host with Andy Gresh weekdays on WTIC: "Root for the Patriots? I'd rather root for the Red Sox. ... Oh wait. I did against the Jays. Do I hope the Pats win? Yeah. Will I root for them? Even I have boundaries."

• Bob Joyce, radio voice of the UConn women: "Unlike a lot of Giants fans, I don't have a hatred for the Patriots. I used to be a Steve Grogan fan. And I have an old Pat the Patriot helmet in my basement. So yes, I'd be more than okay with a Patriots' win Sunday."

• Jim Bransfield, columnist at the Middletown Press and 50-year public address announcer at state sporting events: "Go Pats! Whatever helps my team, the Yankees or the Giants. It's like politics: I would vote for Dracula if he was a Democrat."

• My mother, Rosemary: "Two weeks ago, I was going to root for the Cowboys because I hate the Patriots and the Giants weren't going anywhere. But now we're tied with the Cowboys, so I have to root for the Patriots, even though I hate them."

• Bruce Biel, radio voice of Central Connecticut sports: "The G-Men smack around New England when it counts most anyway. Giants fans shouldn't care what the Pats do. It's actually a win-win for Giants fans. Get to see Jerry Jones or Bob Kraft miserable after the game."

• Lou Milardo, retired teacher at Hale-Ray and multiple-time state championship high school softball coach: "The Pats. They're ready to give Jerry Jones another facelift."

• Bob Bono, associate head basketball coach at Coast Guard Academy: "I am rooting for the Pats, no question. I hate the Cowboys. I tolerate the Patriots."

So there you have it. It's not a question of whether we root for the Patriots, but how long we'll need to shower once the game is over.

They're not the Patriots this week. They're OUR Patriots. Boola, boola.

Let's practice:

And that's another Patriots ... FIRST DOWN!

The Patriots should be honored to have football royalty rooting for them this week. Think about it. Wellington Mara is the most dignified owner in league history. We are the most loyal fans this side of the Cubs.

The Giants have been sold out since FDR's first fireside chat. "Thank you sir, may I have another?" did not originate in "Animal House," but rather in section 305 of the old Giants Stadium about the 18th straight year they didn't make the playoffs. And yet we keep coming back.

It's religion. I've always appreciated this the most about my childhood: Mass at 11, Sunday dinner at 12, Giants at 1, profanity by 1:03. Essentially, we started to yell "Jesus" in church a little after 11 and didn't stop until a little after four. And we loved it.

Now we're all yours, Pats people.

To commemorate the occasion, our guy Tom and our guy Bill should know that cheating is happily accepted Sunday. You could probably bury espionage equipment in Jerry's World better than they did Hoffa at the Meadowlands. So bring everything along. Cameras, microphones, surveillance gear, even the old Maxwell Smart Cone of Silence. Deflate, inflate, reflate whatever. Remember: you're not just doing this for yourselves this week. You have royalty watching.

And if OUR Pats defeat Dallas and the Giants figure out a way to conquer gutty, gritty San Francisco a little later, the New York Football Giants will sit in first place in the NFC East. All will be right in the world again.

Until next week.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro.

Twitter:@BCgenius