Autistic child thrives thanks to compassion of New London's finest youth football coaches
New London — In this, the season of giving thanks, Adriana Reyes' list is happily overflowing. Imagine, too, the symmetry in the idea that her thankfulness is tethered to football, this season's unofficial pastime.
Reyes' son, Adrian, 12, just finished another season in the New London Youth Football League. He's not just another kid. He's the beacon for exactly where sports fit in our communities, uniting people in ways other social settings cannot.
"For my family," Adriana was saying recently, "football has become a tool for my son to overcome autism."
And what a story. Adrian was diagnosed with autism at age seven, living a life "fixated," to use his mother's word, on television, video games and Legos. He had many traits of children with autism, having difficulty with communication skills and social settings.
"He was in his room a lot," Reyes said.
Until one day two years ago when the family took the brave, bold and unsure step that would change Adrian's life. Football. He was 10. At the time, the league placed kids on teams by weight class. At 160 pounds because of his sedentary lifestyle, Adrian, despite being a fifth grader, was placed among kids a few years older.
"Besides the fact that everything about a team sport was all new to him, I was a nervous wreck pushing him to play alongside kids that were not only older but also more socially advanced by nature," Reyes said. "To my surprise, the coaches just took him in with no hesitation. In the beginning, after practice, he cried and would tell me how he didn't think he could do it.
"We pushed him to keep at it and within little time something about the coaches and the way they spoke to Adrian caught his attention. The positive and motivational talks the coaches gave to the players, along with the competitive spirit that New London is known for, helped him stay focused and not quit. The daily benefits he received from practices and becoming part of a team were immeasurable."
It had little to do with winning and losing.
"I can recall one of the things that brought tears to my eyes was how the bigger kids treated him," Reyes said. "They would help him with whatever it was that he needed a hand with. I remember watching a teammate helping him adjust his chin strap. I imagine that it was then that he could finally relate to being accepted, even if he didn't recognize the feeling yet.
"The positive reinforcement was not just from the coaches," she said. "I would see his teammates gently pat him on the back constantly. When he was the last one to finish with their drills, which was almost always, the boys that would finish more quickly would go back and cheer him on until the end. It was a feeling that I can barely explain. To watch your child who came onto a team with little to no social skills, and almost no understanding of how being part of a team worked, to suddenly become not only involved but dedicated to such an interactive and physically demanding environment was amazing."
Reyes can't say enough about James Singleton, Ken Stanley, Calvin Fort, Leo Clinton, James Ford and all the others who have encouraged her son. It is the very best of New London. Say what you want about the 06320. There's no denying a boundless tolerance.
"The best part is that the coaches still push him hard and require him to do the same daily activities as his teammates, but they are aware of his physical and social limits," Reyes said. "They push school a lot. Adrian knows that if you don't do your homework, there's no football."
It may surprise some people, though it shouldn't, that sports did something here for an autistic child that school and other social environments could not. Unless you've lived it, you don't know. Reyes knows.
"It's rare for children with autism to play organized team sports. Beyond the social aspects, they struggle with things that may come easily to us, such as collaboration and reading social cues," she said. "I enjoy seeing how the coaches push him but also respect that he may require extra patience and understanding. At one point in time, Adrian couldn't run from here to the fire hydrant without being extremely physically exhausted.
"Above Adrian's social and physical conquests, most importantly to our family, Adrian has found a comfort zone. He has made friends and enjoys his regular routine of going to practice and games. The repetition of drills and workouts work well for him. My son's effort shows that you can accomplish anything if you set your mind to it, no matter what obstacles are in your way. With the right support, and in this case team and coaches, you can overcome even life's biggest challenges."
Indeed. And they're overcome with people in the community who are bigger on caring and compassion than passing judgment.
"Adrian has tons of friends now," Reyes said, having watched her son complete his third season recently. "A happy kid."
This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro.
Twitter: @BCgenius
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