This, of course, remains a C.O.T.P (Column Of The People), though we realize that not all people — even my people — are sports fans. This puts such a segment in a tough spot Thanksgiving Day, a day about giving thanks, sure. But mostly to eat and watch football.

As in: What if you are sitting in a room with people watching football and have no idea what's going on? COTP feels your pain. And is doing something about it.

You are about to read The Non-Football Fans' Guide To Surviving Thanksgiving. A few tips and hints to make the people ignoring you and yelling at the television take notice.

OK. Football begins early around here on Thanksgiving. Lots of high school football. There are games in Waterford, New London, Groton, Westerly and at Norwich Tech. If you care to partake of the New London-NFA game, you must go to the Birdseye, a New London gin mill/institution near the high school, for pregame. Don't ask why. Just do it. You can thank me later.

Whether you watch the high school games in the stands or simply walk around for the social aspect, here are a few nuggets that will turn heads:

"Boy, sure is better now that they did away with that 50-point rule, isn't it?"

"Did you know that New London versus NFA is the oldest high school football rivalry in the country, but wasn't always played on Thanksgiving?"

"And did you know that Stonington-Westerly is the oldest Thanksgiving rivalry in the country?"

"The playoffs start next Tuesday."

"It's not Norwich County, it's not Ledyard County ... it's NEW LONDON County!"

There. That should be enough.

Then there's three pro football games on from 12:30 p.m. till about midnight. Whenever dinner ends, some will inevitably retire to the living room for Vikings-Lions, Redskins-Cowboys and Steelers-Colts. Be not afraid. Here's all you need to know.

Vikings-Lions: The Lions are always at home on Thanksgiving, playing the early game. You could say things like "didn't the Vikings just get rid of their kicker last week and the guy they brought in missed an extra point, too?" Or "don't you think it's about time the Lions threw an interception?" Or "This Vikings defense is pretty good, but I'd take Page, Eller, Marshall and Larsen. You know. The Purple People Eaters."

Cowboys-Redskins: Here's one to throw at Dallas fans, many of whom began to root for the Cowboys around last Tuesday. "Say, Biff, I know you are wearing the Cowboys jersey, Cowboys hat, Cowboys socks and Cowboys boxers  ... but can you tell me who wore No. 22  for the Cowboys before Emmitt Smith?" If they don't immediately say "The great Bob Hayes," you can call them a fraud and tell them I said so.

As for the Redskins, you can trot out one of the great quotes ever by former coach George Allen: "Every time you lose you die a little bit. You die inside. A portion of you. Not all of your organs. Maybe just your liver."

Steelers-Colts: The Steelers are coached by Mike Tomlin, who bears a facial resemblance to actor Omar Epps. But don't say that. Sports fans hate that stuff. We don't do "hey that guy looks like ..." when it's third and six with 30 seconds left. Say this instead: "I'm really impressed that Tomlin set a Steelers record for most wins, after winning 22 games in his first two seasons as head coach. It's just that he goes for dumb two-point conversions too much."

Most Colts' references are about Andrew Luck, the quarterback. Try this instead: "Hey, that lineman No. 74, Anthony Castonzo ... didn't he go to Boston College?" This is considered valuable information.

Remember: drop these nuggets occasionally. Don't talk too much or you'll annoy everyone else in the room. Use a cheat sheet if you must. And take solace in that this is really the only holiday where sports have completely taken over. Bob Hayes and the Purple People Eaters. They'll think you are brilliant.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro