OK, guys. Listen up. You know you're going to do it. You know you'll wait till the last minute to find the suitable Christmas present for your significant other.

And this is where, once again, the C.O.T.P (Columnist Of The People) comes to the rescue, much like Paul Revere. Only on a keyboard, not a horse. You'll remember last week's installment of COTP: cliff notes for novice fans watching Thanksgiving football. It was met with rousing approval. (No, really).

So here are a few ideas on what you, the sports fan, can get your significant other without waiting till the last millisecond:

• Turn off the TV for one football Sunday. Just do it. Happily. (This is why God created the DVR.) And don't remind your significant other of how much you are sacrificing.

• Instead of other like-minded sports fans coming over to watch football at your house – and thus creating a helicopter drop of pizza boxes, beer cans and bad language — go over somebody else's house and keep yours shiny.

• Pick one game not to yell at the TV. And better: explain to your significant other exactly why you yell at the TV in the first place. You LOVE your TV. The TV is your friend. You love your TV more than just about anything else. (Perhaps in some cases your significant other). The TV has never done you wrong. It always works. It's better than a dog. You don't have to walk it at 4 a.m., feed it or vacuum hair. Just an occasional screen cleaning. And it's not like the inhabitants inside your TV can hear you or give a hoot about what you're yelling.

• Next time you go out with your significant other, look in the back of your closet. Put on the shirt your significant other likes. That you never wear. Don't complain.

• Don't shush your significant other when they say things like, "gee the coach of the Steelers looks like Omar Epps." Which he does anyway. This is called dialogue. Always a good thing. Perhaps reference the last column from COTP and add a factoid about the Omar Epps looking guy that doesn't involve his career record.

• Help with Christmas.

• Don't mope after the Giants lose in the last 10 seconds. This year notwithstanding, they're rather good at it. Like the bumper sticker reads, "since I gave up all hope, I feel much better." Remember: They're the Giants.

• Introduce yourself to the kitchen. Try things like:

"What's a nice sink like you doing in a kitchen like this?"

"Do you guys know how many chefs it takes to make pie? 3.14."

• Wear a boa. Without being asked. No, not a snake. Not Bank of America. A long, thin decorative scarf. Just do it.

• Be quiet when your significant other is watching a TV show. Don't ask stupid questions about Grey's Anatomy. Have a little respect, for heaven's sake.

• Resist all temptation to share information about your fantasy team with your significant other. Trust COTP on this: Nobody cares. Absolutely nobody. It's fantasy. Most of the world would rather talk about gothic architecture.

• Take out the trash without being asked.

• Share your gambling proceeds for once. Don't hide them.

• Ask your significant other if they'd like anything from the kitchen.

• For this Christmas, don't insist on hanging sports ornaments in prominent places on the tree. The Yankees ornament can go to the back, perhaps replaced by an ornament of your children.

• Sit through the entire halftime show without complaining.

• Pick one to watch: pregame or postgame. Your significant other cannot endure pregame, game, postgame.

• Gentle reminder: The DVR. It's a thing.

• No matter what game with which your significant other's company party conflicts, pipe down and go. No sneaking off to check scores on your phone. No asking how many TVs are at this place.

• If the game stinks and you fall asleep, understand you have lost control of the remote.

There. That's 20 ideas. Twenty. And have you noticed? They're all free. Free. That's a thing, too. COTP strikes again. Boom.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro.