With The Fagin Fitness Ankle Bracelet or Fagin Fitness Implant, You WILL Get In Shape!
The problem with Fitbit, Jawbone Up, Withings Pulse, Microsoft Band and other electronic fitness trackers is that, like so many old-school aids designed to get people off their butts and into shape (workout charts, personal trainers, stopwatches, etc.) they rely on the willpower of slovenly sluggards to actually use them regularly.
The Atlantic magazine recently cited a report by the research firm Endeavour Partners estimating that a third of the gizmos wind up abandoned after six months, while the Journal of the American Medical Association put the percentage of slackers even higher – more than half.
Even Fitbit, which commands more than three-quarters of the tracker market share, admits that only about 50 percent of their nearly 20 million registered users remain active.
That’s why, just in time for the holidays, I have invented the Fagin Fitness Ankle Bracelet and the Fagin Fitness Implant, designed to eliminate any possibility a user will fall off the fitness wagon.
The Fagin Fitness Ankle Bracelet, as the name suggests, is modeled after the court-ordered cuffs released prisoners must wear to fulfill terms of their parole.
The lightweight yet unyielding titanium-infused band resists bolt cutters, hacksaws or even industrial laser cutters. What’s more, any attempt to remove it activates a signal that sets off an ear-splitting siren while summoning a team of Fagin Fitness Ankle Bracelet security agents with stun guns. The bands come in an assortment of designer colors.
The Fagin Fitness Implant takes this one step further. A surgeon places the implant not just subcutaneously, which is more vulnerable to removal by a desperate user, but actually embedded in an internal organ, thereby ensuring its security.
The Fagin Fitness Ankle Bracelet and the Fagin Fitness Implant incorporate identical motivational formulas and rely on the same technology to guarantee their efficacy.
The consumer first completes a questionnaire to assess his or her fitness goals and capabilities, and then a certified Fagin Fitness specialist designs a personalized workout program. As do many of the voluntary fitness trackers now on the market, the Fagin Fitness Ankle Bracelet and the Fagin Fitness Implant measure caloric output by counting steps and record an assortment of other movements – but with our patented system, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! You WILL get in shape!
Once a contract and hold-harmless agreement are signed electrodes from either the Fagin Fitness Ankle Bracelet or the Fagin Fitness Implant are wired to the consumer’s central nervous system. These emit gentle reminders, at first, if the agreed-upon regimen is not followed. The stimulus gradually intensifies until compliance is achieved. Simple, yet effective!
If you order now I will include a second FREE Fagin Fitness Ankle Bracelet or Fagin Fitness Implant for a friend, spouse or loved one.
But wait, there’s more! If you’re one of the first 100 customers I’ll include headphones and a copy of my motivational tape, CD or download that will help make your workouts even more enjoyable!
Don’t delay! Our operators and surgeons are standing by.
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