DEAR ABBY: My husband's son - I'll call him Duncan - came to visit with his family. He lived with us for about six months on and off when he was younger. During that time, he twice went through my dresser drawers without my permission. The first time, we discovered a photo of me in a negligee he had found and hidden. The second time, he said he had been looking for a key. I was furious and felt violated.

During his recent visit, it happened a third time. I discovered my underwear drawer was slightly ajar and knew Duncan had used the bathroom in our bedroom. When I told my husband, he asked me not to let it ruin the rest of their visit. I felt violated again!

After Duncan and his family left, I asked my husband if this upset him, too, and his reply was that he was upset that I let it bother me. I understand that Duncan is his only son, but I'm hurt that he's taking Duncan's side. Help!

- Nervous in Nevada

DEAR NERVOUS: It does appear that Duncan has an unhealthy fixation on your underwear drawer, or he may be a cross-dresser. Because your husband refuses to discuss this with his son, the next time Duncan announces that he's coming for a visit, offer to buy him lingerie in his size, or install a sturdy lock on your bedroom door.

DEAR ABBY: I have been having an affair with "Ginger" for several years. She's married and has three kids. Ginger told me she and her husband had stopped being intimate just before we started our relationship.

Her husband caught on about a year ago. By this time Ginger and I had developed deep feelings for each other, but we agreed to stop because he had given her an ultimatum - either break it off or get out. We stopped seeing each other for a few weeks, then she called saying she had been pregnant but had gotten an abortion, and we started up again.

This time we had to carefully plan our limited time together. We continued our relationship for another eight months before it finally ended. What I'm having a problem with is Ginger ended it with no phone call - nothing. I haven't heard from her in more than a month, and she won't return my calls or texts. Don't you think I deserved a better goodbye?

- Sitting by the phone in Ohio

DEAR SITTING BY THE PHONE: Not really. While closure might have made this less frustrating for you, Ginger tried to say goodbye to you before and it didn't work. What probably happened is her husband found out the affair was ongoing and is monitoring her closely. You'll feel better once you accept that Ginger has chosen him and the kids and moved on.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I like to entertain in our home, and sometimes we offer self-service mixed nuts. What do you think of a guest who hovers over the bowl and picks out all the pecans and macadamias, leaving behind the peanuts and the almonds? Is she being rude?

- Tom R. in North Carolina

DEAR TOM R.: Sure it's rude. It's also greedy and inconsiderate of the other guests who also may be partial to pecans and macadamias. However, because you know that this person has a weakness for two particular kinds of nuts, why not offer her a small bowl of her own containing only the nuts of her choice? When you do, smile and say "... nuts to you."

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.