Celibacy before marriage puts extra urgency on setting a date
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 50-year-old male engaged to be married to my elementary school sweetheart, "Marie." This will be the second marriage for both of us. We've been dating for six years, three of which were a long-distance relationship.
During a time when her mother became ill and sadly passed, Marie told me God had spoken to her and told her not to be sexually active anymore until we're married. I respect and want to honor her and God, but my concern is that we haven't even discussed a wedding date. The earliest could still be six or eight months away. Am I wrong for feeling resentment toward Marie, and will this resentment create problems after marriage with our bedroom life?
— ON HOLD IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR ON HOLD: You and Marie have known each other for many years, and know each other very well in every sense. Because Marie doesn't want to have intimate relations again until after you are married, you should not only discuss a wedding date, but also an elopement.
DEAR ABBY: My sister takes my nephews for modeling and acting assignments. They have been in print ads, websites for clothing, and even a movie.
I was shocked when she told me her 6-year-old is interviewed without a parent present in the room. The boy is bright, self-possessed and spirited, but still — he's only 6. Given the recent revelations about industry-wide problems with child sexual abuse ("An Open Secret" documentary), was I out of line to suggest she have a device to listen in and record?
— CONCERNED AUNTIE
DEAR CONCERNED AUNTIE: Better than that, minor children should have a trusted and responsible adult present — whether it's a parent, another relative or the child's agent. That way, EVERYONE would be protected.
DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old son, "Jeremy," no longer speaks to me because I asked him to move out. I'm not a fan of his girlfriend, and I'm worried about drugs. Jeremy and I have always been super close. I am so sad and I want to do what's right for both of us. What should I do?
— TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING
DEAR TRYING: I don't know how emotionally mature Jeremy is, but chronologically he's an adult. If you suspected that he was using drugs while living with you, you had the right to insist he be tested for them — the tests are easily obtainable — as a condition of his continuing to live with you. However, for you to have based living under your roof on the condition that you "liked" his girlfriend was heavy-handed. It was wrong, and for that you should apologize. If you do, perhaps it will give you a chance to mend fences.
DEAR ABBY: We have a relative who is a terrible cook. How can we refuse her invitations when she's only trying to reciprocate? We enjoy her company, but not her food. We have gone out to eat, but she wants to cook for us! What to do?
— SORRY, NOT HUNGRY
DEAR SORRY: You have two choices. Either be honest with her or graciously eat her food as infrequently as possible (and when you do, bring along a dish of your own to add to her dinner).
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