Zero tolerance: A border wall for Canada geese
You know, I might be more tolerant about birds crossing into my yard if they were American birds like hawks or bald eagles. Everybody realizes I’m a very tolerant man, extremely tolerant, incredibly tolerant, the most tolerant man on Earth. Nobody is more tolerant than I am!
But what the fake media doesn’t report is that these are CANADA geese!
When Canada sends its birds, they're not sending their best ... They're sending birds that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with them. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They’re pooping on our lawns. And some, I assume, are good birds.
Anyway, they have crossed the border illegally, so you know what I say? Get those sons of …. outta here! Lock them up!
I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me — and I'll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our northern border. And I will make Canada pay for that wall! One hundred percent! They don't know it yet, but they're going to pay for that wall! Who’s gonna pay for that wall? That’s right, Canada is gonna pay for that wall!
We have geese coming into the country or trying to come in, we're stopping a lot of them, but you wouldn't believe how bad these geese are! They’re pouring in, they’re infesting us!
And these geese are bringing their goslings. The geese know when they get here the goslings could be separated from their parents. I hate the goslings being taken away, and that's why I decided to let up a little. I know what they’re going through right now with families is tough, very tough, but the families had to be broken up. We're working out the details and it'll be fair, very fair, extremeley fair.
We have the worst goose laws in the entire world. Nobody has such sad, such bad and actually, in many cases, such horrible and tough laws.
You know what we used to do when illegal Canada geese came across our border? Send them back. Send them back! Catch and release! The geese just turned around and came right back again!
So now we put them in pens and they’re treated very humanely, incredibly humanely, way better than they’ve been treated in Canada. Why would they leave their nests and travel thousands of miles if things were so great in Canada?
But we can’t keep holding them forever. The United States will not be a goose migrant camp, and it will not be a refugee holding facility.
The unprecedented surge of Canada geese is harming the United States, and it’s harming Canada, and I believe the steps we’re taking right now will improve the safety in both of our countries.
A nation without borders isn’t a nation. Beginning today, right now, at this very moment, we are taking control of our border!
So, once word begins to spread about being put in pens, and some of the first goslings being separated, the geese will stop trying to cross our border. It will be an effective deterrent, a very effective deterrent, the best deterrent ever!
And once we solve the Canada goose problem, we can get to work on Amazon kingfishers, Arctic terns, English sparrows, Eurasian teals, European plovers, Greater Antillean bullfinches, Galapagos petrels, Hispanolian parakeets, Himilayan snowcocks, Indian peafowls, Kamchatka warblers, Labrador ducks, Mexican chickadees, Oriental cuckoos, Siberian blue robins, south polar skuas and Yucatan vireos.
American birds for America! Make America great again!
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Before I met my wife, I wanted to learn foreign languages in order to, well, meet foreign women.