If I were Naruto the monkey, whose long legal battle over rights to “selfie” photos he snapped in 2011 finally may have reached an end, I’d demand a new trial.

After all, it’s obvious the photogenic primate should have won on a peel.

Naruto’s pictures are my all-time favorite self-portraits, perfectly capturing the dopily distorted, narcissistic expression most people have when they aim a lens close to their face — combining a toothy grin with an “aren’t-I-beautiful” gaze.

The crested macaque, then 7 and living in an Indonesian reserve, had taken several pictures of himself using a camera that wildlife photographer David Slater deliberately left unattended.

Slater then published the photos in a book and sought to capitalize additionally on the images.

That’s when People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) intervened, filing a lawsuit in 2015 on Naruto’s behalf, saying the monkey, not Slater, should own the copyright.

Slater, though, insisted he alone deserved any money derived from the sale of Naruto’s image.

"It took three days of blood, sweat and tears to get the selfie in which I had to be accepted by the group of monkeys before they would allow me to come close enough to introduce them to my camera equipment," he told the BBC.

In 2016, a judge sided with the human photographer, but PETA did not give up.

"The court reaffirmed that nonhuman animals have the constitutional right to bring a case to federal court when they’ve been wronged, but the opinion still missed the point, which was that Naruto the macaque undeniably took the photos, and denying him the right to sue under the U.S. Copyright Act emphasizes what PETA has argued all along — that he is discriminated against simply because he’s a nonhuman animal," PETA said in a statement.

Ordinarily, I side with PETA in many disputes, but … huh?

The organization then filed to reverse the ruling through the U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco. Justices in the Ninth Circuit are widely perceived to be the most liberal in the land — they certainly don’t preside over a kangaroo court.

Slater and PETA eventually reached a settlement in which he agreed to donate 25 percent of future profits from Naruto’s selfies to wildlife organizations, but the Ninth Circuit decided to proceed with the case anyway.

The court finally announced its decision on Monday.

“We conclude that this monkey — and all animals, since they are not human — lacks statutory standing under the Copyright Act,” Judge Carlos Bea wrote. He might have added that PETA could go climb a tree.

PETA, of course, could now petition to have the case heard by the U.S. Supreme Court, but if it were up to me, I’d cut my losses and be happy with a cut of the proceeds. I’d be even happier if those revenues were used to enforce laws to protect all wild animals against incarceration, trophy hunting and other human abuses.

I also wouldn’t mind it there were more stringent restrictions prohibiting people from taking selfies in parks and wildlife preserves. The practice is not only distracting but potentially dangerous, as testified by accounts of people being trampled by hippos, gored by bulls, run down by bison and mauled by bears while taking selfies.

In 2016, New York became the first state in America to outlaw people taking pictures of themselves with lions, tigers and leopards in zoos; selfies are similarly banned at Lake Tahoe in California and Nevada because of the risk of being charged by bears.

Even Disney bans selfies at its theme parks. I guess you should never turn your back on Mickey or Goofy.

As for allowing a monkey to take a selfie, though, I’m all for the practice. Now if you could get one to take a picture of a big game hunter trapped in a tree surrounded by a herd of angry elephants, I’d pay a whole bunch of bananas to see that.