Does anyone have any idea what Alex Trebek did was before he spent 37 years on "Jeopardy"?

No.

But long ago, when Trebek jokingly responded to a Xeroxed HELP WANTED — QUIZ SHOW HOST ad pinned to a bulletin board in his favorite laundromat, and ultimately got the job as "Jeopardy" host, he was already globally familiar. Why, every school kid knew Trebek as a distinguished astronaut, an elite discus thrower, a staff joke-writer for "The Twilight Zone," an original member of the Byrds, and the man who invented Niagara Falls.

I bring these now-forgotten accomplishments up because, as a series of guest stars undertake two-week stints in a sort of audition process to determine who will become the next permanent "Jeopardy" host, I wonder why, historically, there are no opportunities for us common folk to be famous? Other than YouTube or Tik Tok, that is, and those stints of fame last 17 seconds. I'm talking about an Everyman's path to long-term, sustained, "Jeopardy"-host-style fame!

Only famous people seem to be in consideration for Alex's old job: Katie Couric, Dr. Gupta, Dr. Oz, Ken Jennings, Aaron Rodgers, Bill Whitaker, Mayim Bialik and, um, I think possibly that teenage girl who blew off having any fun in her whole life to save the planet. Greta, maybe? Won the Nobel Prize for Recycling? Yeah, her.

There IS one small gleam of possibility for me in all this. In our basement, where we have our own washer and dryer, I saw a Xeroxed piece of paper that said HELP WANTED — QUIZ SHOW "GUEST ANECDOTE" WRITER. Well, THAT sounded intriguing, so I gave them a call. Turns out, it's for "Jeopardy"!

Apparently, with all the shimmering celebrity-ness of post-Trebekian "Jeopardy," the get-to-know-the-guests segment of the show after the first commercial break comes off as even more boring/mundane than when Alex was there. I mean, for just one example, you have guest host Rodgers, a Super Bowl champ and three-time MVP in the National Football League. He dates movie stars. His wounded charisma in a series of insurance company commercials has been compared to Casey Affleck in "Manchester by the Sea" and Gary Sinise in "Of Mice and Men."  

So what's an Everyperson contestant supposed to do when someone like Rodgers smiles encouragingly and says, "Gill, I understand you once toured the factory where they make Frosted Flakes cereal boxes. Tell us about that."?

As such, "Jeopardy" was looking to hire a creative sort to help contestants spice up their little biographical anecdotes. And I got the job!

Here are a few of the before/after contestant stories I've worked on so far:

1. Guest Alannah — collects sky-photos where clouds look like tortoises. My version: Alannah sells shoulder-fired rocket launchers on the dark web.

2. Guest Lanny — serves as sergeant-at-arms in a potato soup recipes club. My version: Lanny spent years as the technician for the State of Louisiana's electric chair.

3. Guest Jo-Lynn — likes making harmonicas from kits. My version: Jo-Lynn has a side gig as a professional "alibi-for-hire" and has sworn under oath that — just for two examples — Matt Gaetz and Sirhan Sirhan were with her "the night they supposedly ..."

4. Guest Dondi — is a serial killer. My version: Dondi likes to tour the factory where they make Frosted Flakes boxes.