Rick's List - Defending Dr. Immanuel Edition
Hi! Dr. Rick Koster here!
Normally in this column I try not to write too much about my own accomplishments — particularly because they're in short supply — but occasionally I can't resist. For example, you might enjoy knowing that I'm a respected physician. Cool, right?
Something you probably DO know is that earlier this week President Trump gave big props to a Houston doctor named Stella Immanuel. Naturally, the leftist media at once jumped on both of them — the president for quoting her, and Dr. Immanuel because she's got some unorthodox takes with regards to treatment and diagnosis. For instance, she (correctly) claims demons can cause illnesses; that DNA from Space People is routinely utilized in healing; and that she has a cure for COVID-19. Right now — as the president importantly noted — the latter is incredibly timely and welcome.
"This virus has a cure," Dr. Immanuel said. "It is called leeches. I have treated over 350 patients and not had one death," Dr. Immanuel said. "You see, the leeches suck out the bad blood and packs of angels flutter over the patient and good blood grows and then everything is OK. I'm also conducting clinical trials for Alzheimer cures using Lyme Disease-carrying ticks, and sprained-ankle cures utilizing rats infected with Black Plague — and both seem to be having incredible success."
Going back to the coronavirus, Dr. Immanuel then showed a photo of 27 "critically ill" coronavirus patients who were square-dancing in the cafeteria of Dr. Immanuel Hospital and Leechatorium.
"Look at 'em go!" Dr. Immanuel cried. Then, with a coquettish smile, she used a wooden pointer to indicate a figure partially obscured by a nimbly frolicking patient. "You can't see all of him, but that's the square dance caller — a gentleman I like to call The Honorable William "Hog Jowls" Barr!"
Godspeed to all those folks who are on the road to recovery!
Meanwhile, I'm particularly bursting with pride because Dr. Immanuel was one of my students at Princeton Medical School.
You say Princeton doesn't HAVE a medical school?
Well, that's where you're wrong. Not sure what media sources you're listening to, but we have an elite medical school. I mean, you have to LOOK for it. You "hafta wanna get there," as we used to say in Texas. (Hint: go to Quaker Bridge Mall a few miles from the campus proper and check the storefront between Cohen's Optical and Finish Line Sports.)
Anyway, I taught at Princeton Medical School and Stella was my pupil in three different courses. They were:
1. Molecular Mycology: Current Approaches to Fungal Pathogenesis with Emphasis on Interactions with Baron Samedi, the Voodoo God of the Cemetery. (Tessa's grade: B+)
2. Tropical Bacteriology and Connections to the Hex Cauldron Witchcraft Shop in Salem, Mass. (Tessa's grade: A)
3. Beginning Intramural Field Hockey. (Tessa's grade: A)
Oh, and as for another of Dr. Immanuel's claims: That the government is run in part by reptilians? Well, herpetology is a scienfitic discipline that falls beyond my area of expertise, but if you wanna see a snake in the federal government, you don't have to look much further than 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. That place is a freakin' ophidiarium.