An article in last week’s New York Times explored a fun development where some couples are now charging guests to attend their wedding — which makes me wonder if it was inevitable that Ticketmaster would eventually get into the nuptials business.

I can see where this is going.

“Each wedding admission includes one (1) lace packet filled with rice to throw at the happy couple. Extra rice is $5.99 per packet.”

“Also available is a Platinum Package that provides prime seating for the wedding band concert, a laminated VIP pass with photo of the Happy Couple, a lanyard color-coordinated with bridesmaid’s dresses, and photo ops with the minister or JP performing the ceremony.”

And, yes, the Double Platinum VIP means “you get write the best man or maid of honor’s toast (choose one) AND pick the destination city/resort in which the wedding is to take place.”

Also, do NOT bother asking whether paying to attend the matrimonial ceremony of your friend/relative/business-associate means you get out of the obligation to provide a wedding gift.

Nope.

In fact, it will now costs a fee to simply fill out the gift registry.

And if it occurs to you to wonder why two young lovers might get married if they can’t afford to host the ceremony and reception well, consider this: maybe the enterprising couple is going to make so much cash exchanging vows that they can immediately retire.

AND ... while you doubtlessly find this madness amusing, you might wonder what it’s doing in a space nominally reserved for food commentary.

Well, it’s because I’ve decided that, rather than paying to eat at restaurants, henceforth I’m going to instead CHARGE THEM for the privilege of feeding ME.

All this came together for me last Friday as I was racing from an assignment in Westerly trying to get back to the newsroom before deadline. I hadn’t eaten, so I pulled through a McDonald’s and impulsively ordered a Filet-o-Fish. It’d been years since I’d had a Filet-o-Fish, and my memories of the sandwich were relatively pleasing.

But THIS Filet-o-Fish wasn’t what I remembered at all. THIS Filet-o-Fish featured a square of deep-fried but room temperature whitefish that was, ah, not large. The halved bun, the face of which was the color of a zombie, surrounded the fish-square on all sides with room to spare. And the requested cheese was a half-slice of un-melted American cheese, placed precisely in the middle of the fish-square, and about the size and shape of an extended middle-finger — which, come to think of it, was probably by design.

So! My inclination was to pull back through the line and, not only demand a refund but say, “And, yes, I’ve already eaten the creepy sandwich. In addition to the refund, YOU pay me $5 for my misguided patronage.”

Should every restaurant and food purveyor be punished by my one experience with a mediocre fish sandwich? Probably not. On the other hand, as per the clever trend with weddings, where the folks who INVITED you to be part of it are profiting, I’m thinking this philosophy could apply across the board to dining from the perspective of the consumer.

“Hello, Del Frisco’s Steak House? I’d like to order the large filet, medium rare — and YOU pay for it. Not only that, but my fee for ordering it from you and then eating it? Tack on 30 percent and we’ll call it even.

“And hurry it up. I gotta get to a wedding.”