As many of us are aware, there may be property revaluations in Groton, which can impact our taxes in the near future.

It is a complicated process directed by multiple factors, such as how much a nearby property may have cost a new neighbor. With the boom of real estate sales, partially due to the coronavirus pandemic, some folks might be worried about these tax hikes.

So, we’ve revamped some previous advice from a few years ago to give you a head start.

Make sure you have laundry hanging across every room, and if piles of clothes and random papers are available, those should fill up the floors nicely.

Feeling crowded makes people want to escape faster. Don’t worry, the jail has plenty of clutter if you need some. We don’t do laundry or dishes all that often.

Old cars in front of the house, preferably rusty with the hood up and at least one wheel off, can do wonders to create that “low key” neighborhood appearance. If asked, state that the cars are “works in progress.” A slight gasoline smell adds a touch of authenticity, and an open bait barrel nearby will speed up the survey process considerably. If you can do it at low tide, you’re truly a master.

Don’t paint your house at all, especially the exterior. Let it crack and fade. Let the deck rot; let the boards creak and crackle.

Meanwhile, form a local neighborhood association dedicated to creating an “ethereal” ambiance for all nearby houses.

Have at least two broken window panes in prominent areas, covered with different shades of duck tape, for that “temporary perpetual maintenance” look. And don’t touch any spider webs: they’re perfect just the way they are and provide ecologically sound insect abatement.

An unkempt backyard filled with dirty old boat hulls, rusty engines, and crab grass will really bring the whole ensemble together. If you’ve got insect or animal nests at your disposal, make sure they’re featured at eye level. Nothing screams decrepitude like the presence of unchecked infestations.

You know those luscious gardens you’ve been working on for decades? It’s time to naturalize some good old ivy and wisteria right around the front door.

Get them climbing and the appraiser might not even be able to find the entrance.

Finally, make sure to get your basement nice and musty; even if it hasn’t rained, you’ll want the appraisal to reflect that it’s a constant threat that makes your air quality, sanity, and structural integrity questionable.

Add wet laundry and even rotten food if you’re feeling adventurous.

Anyway, we hope everyone does their part. It takes a village.

Ed Johnson and his daughter Lacy live in Noank.