Mystic — It has been suggested that the most painful goodbyes are the ones never explained. And there is no explanation for what befell Todd Wilkins, a vibrant young guy, who died in 2003 from cancer. He was 33. 

But if it’s true that life’s rhythms are more about how we respond, we present the Wilkins family of Mystic as Exhibit A. When Todd’s eyes closed, theirs opened. 

All of which brings us to today — specifically a week from Sunday — when the annual celebration of Todd’s life will help young people from the region learn and appreciate his passion: sailing. 

“When Todd passed away, Rich and I approached the museum and asked if we could start an endowment for kids to learn how to sail because it was such a passion of his,” Todd’s mother, Jane Wilkins of Mystic, was saying one day last week. “He had sailed on the Mystic Whaler and Clipper, taught sailing at Mystic Seaport. We started the fundraiser in 2003, awarded scholarships in 2004 and it’s been going on ever since. 

“Capt. John Eginton had the Whaler at the time and every year until this year (the boat is up for sale) John generously donated the boat to us every year.” 

This year, the fundraiser remains at the Seaport with ample water views, just not on the boat. 

A primer on Todd Wilkins: 

“We live on Willow St. and the Whaler used to be at the end of our street, down from post office,” Jane Wilkins said. “He would go down to the river as a 10-year-old skipping rocks and he’d watch the boat go in and out. 

“When he was 12, he started going out on the boat. Sag Harbor, everywhere. When he was older, the Mystic Clipper came on board with two boats and he’d alternate going out on those. It became his passion.” 

The cancer, to quote the great line from Jim Valvano, never touched Wilkins’ mind, heart or soul. Now every time young people from the region take to the water because of sailing scholarships in his name, Todd Wilkins is on the cool and bright clear water all over again. 

“It’s not that I don’t have any sense of loss. You always have that,” Jane Wilkins said. “We know every year we’re going to do this. It keeps you going. People come year after year. Newcomers. It makes you proud to know that kids are on the water just like he was. 

“There’s a picture of Todd on the river in our pamphlet that shows what the joy of sailing really was for him. One time, Mollie (Jane’s granddaughter Mollie Kulick, a junior at Stonington High and member of the rowing team) was teaching at the Seaport, she watched a young girl who got the scholarship grow and develop. To see how much she enjoys sailing makes her feel good.” 

Wilkins said this is hardly Mystic-centric. If you are young and have an interest in sailing: apply. 

“It’s for kids and young adults and used toward all the different sailing programs,” she said. “The Brilliant (an educational program that introduces life aboard a schooner), the Conrad (an overnight sailing camp) and fall programs. We want it to be more diverse. There are many opportunities in New London, for example. One girl came all the way from Virginia to participate.” 

There is no manual that provides instruction about the loss of a child. There is no explanation. But Jane Wilkins and her family have made Todd Wilkins accomplish as much in death as he did in life. There is no better tribute. 

“Everybody reacts differently to the loss of a child,” she said. “But if you can wrap your head around doing something good for someone else, for someone to benefit from your loss, it makes you braver and more courageous. Not to say I still don’t have my moments, but I think if you can dedicate yourself to something, it helps.” 

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro