Idle Thoughts, while waiting for the Sun to open, Mo to keep closing and for Jim Nantz's continued use of the word "issues" to explain Tiger's transgressions:

• Mr. Idle, Mr. I to his close friends, would like to address Joe West, the umpire who chided the Yanks and Sox recently for "slow" play, saying "it's pathetic and embarrassing."

Yo Joe: Retire. No, really. Get out. If you're that offended, give the umpires from the minors a shot. Or maybe take the time during the pathetically embarrassing slowness to contemplate your own strike zone, which moves around more than an aerobics class.

You know what else, Joe? Sources say the postgame buffet will still be there, whether the game lasts 2:10, 3:10 or 4:10.

Got to love umpires. When sought for comment after a blown call, they go into witness protection. But it's OK to opine about hardship, apparently.

• Looks as though the Sox have cornered the market on Ramon Ramirezes. They have a Ramon S. Ramirez in the majors and a Ramon A. Ramirez in the minors.

Mr. I kind of likes the middle initial thing. More players should use it.

Think of Bob Sheppard: "Leading off for the Yankees ... Number 2 ... Derek S. Jeter. Shortstop. Number 2."

• Best line of the whole NCAA tournament comes from the Hartford Courant's Lori Riley, who mused that if Stanford center Jayne Appel moved to France, she'd have to say, "Je m'appelle Jayne Appel."

• Next time some dope wants to compare men's college basketball to women's college basketball, tell the dope to text Mr. I.

Here's what Mr. I would say:

The Kentucky men just lost five underclassmen to the NBA draft. Five. At once. Kentucky goes from a contender to ... who knows? That doesn't happen in the women's game. Ever. So there.

• If Stanford forward Joslyn Tinkle marries former Celtic Hank Finkel, divorces him and marries comedian Rich Little and then divorces him and finally settles on lawyer Kenneth Starr, she could introduce herself at parties by breaking into song.

"Hi. I'm Joslyn Tinkle Finkel Little Starr. (How I wonder what you are)."

• Time to leave NCAA alone.

It may have to expand the men's tournament to 96 teams and make more money.

How else to pay the staffers it employs to walk up and down press row to make sure we're all drinking from cups that bear the proper logo?

Exhaustive, expensive stuff, you know.

• Mr. I's favorite baseball announcer, as you know, is John Sterling.

He's in midseason form already.

John sings "the Grandy man can," to the tune of "Candy Man" whenever Curtis Granderson homers. Spies say it was hilarious the other night when the Grandy Man homered off Gomer Papelbon.

• Happy retirement, Mel Greenberg. Mel is the Godfather of women's basketball, writing about it at the Philadelphia Inquirer long before anybody else cared.

• Yo, Heather Buck: They're going to need you next year.

• Sun guard Kara Lawson, living among us now, tweeted the other day that she asked her dry cleaner about good pizza places in the area. He replied, "this place called Pizza Hut down the street, it's really good!"

(Sigh).

We're not all that dumb, Kara. Here is Mr. I's official list: Mr. G's, Illiano's, Mystic Pizza, Recovery Room, Pizza Cucina, Pizzetta and Two Wives. Feel free to add more to help her out.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro.