How to put this delicately: You have to be a complete nut job to coach high school sports anymore.

Or you’d at least require the correct set of compromising photos.

Because if paltry pay, your designation as a parental punching bag and spineless superiors aren’t enough, consider the ongoing case of Darien football coach Rob Trifone, who’s in the middle of a four-week suspension from his team.

The story as it appeared in the Darien Times:

In the second half of Darien’s 45-6 win over Norwich Free Academy earlier this month, a Darien lineman engaged in a verbal altercation with an NFA player, prompting the game officials to separate the players in question.

The officials eventually told Trifone and his staff to remove the player from the field, which they did. Trifone, per the newspaper account, “chewed him out and slapped him, open-hand, on the side of the helmet.”

It merited Trifone a two-game suspension.

During the initial suspension, newly discovered security video led Darien officials to double the suspension to four weeks.

Per the Times, Darien Superintendent Daniel Brenner referred to his press release on the incident, which “did not specify what was on the video.” The chairperson of the Board of Education, Michael Harman, told the newspaper that “the board was not involved with the decision to suspend Trifone and his suspension was the result of an investigation done by the administration.”

So much for education and its “collaborative efforts.” There hasn’t been this much buck-passing since the last game of liar’s poker.

OK. Full disclosure: I wasn’t there. But in speaking to people who were, let me just say that Trifone’s methods perhaps merited a warning and something in the personnel file. But a month away from the team? Extreme. Especially for someone with a solid reputation.

But then, this is what happens now. A good track record and five dollars will get you four cents change at Starbucks.

Trifone, per a spy at the game, believed his player was one more word away from getting ejected and perhaps suspended for the next game. The player had been warned repeatedly, adding to the coach’s ire. The slap to the helmet was an attention-getter, not merely to protect the kid from himself, but to convey the message that taunting and other "me-me-me" acts just won’t be tolerated.

Plus, it’s not like Trifone put the kid in the old Greg Valentine/figure-four leg lock or gave him the Superfly Snuka off the top rope. And darn, if the kid didn’t clam up, too.

No matter. The guy is out four weeks and might not get his job back.

Isn’t it nice to have a job where one sits in judgment of such matters with no interest in context whatsoever? And that is what’s become of high school coaching: It is completely, totally bereft of context. Athletic events are wonderful forums for teaching. They are emotional. They require quick decision-making. Sometimes, we err. Kids and coaches. Which is why such matters require deeper thoughts and stronger backbones.

I’m not one of these sourpusses stuck in 1953 who thinks that what applied then applies now and the whole world has gone soft. Times and circumstances change. I’m all for newer and different ways to extract discipline. But if Trifone was the only guy there who could calm the kid down, doesn’t that count for something?

Apparently not.

Hence, we’re left with the following conclusion: You have to be a complete nut job to coach high school sports anymore. Especially in a place like Darien, where even the cow pastures are turfed and there’s enough money to scare the bejesus out of anybody.

I’ve interviewed Trifone now and again. Seems a nice enough guy, not full of himself, despite his gaudy record. Doesn’t make him a good or bad guy. Just an observation. Here’s another observation: Four weeks for protecting a kid from himself? Absurd. And also life in the roaring 2000s.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro.