Niantic resident's new 'Mom-oir' takes humorous look at hardest job ever

November 26, 2016 11:01 pm • Last Updated: November 28, 2016 9:13 am

By Amy Barry, Special to The Day

DeeDee Filiatreault (Photo submitted)

Niantic resident's book takes humorous look at the hardest job ever

In 2007, DeeDee Filiatreault began writing down all the messy, funny, challenging moments in the day of the life of a mom of preschoolers. She turned her musings into a column that ran in the Times weeklies for almost a decade, and evolved into her blog in 2014.

A compilation of Filiatreault's favorite columns and writings has just been published in her first book, "Tales from the Crib: Adventures of an Over-Sharing, Stressed-Out, Modern-Day Mom."

A transplant from the Carolinas, Filiatreault moved in 2000 to Niantic, where she lives with her husband, Bill, two children (Will, 12, and Lucy, 10) and what she describes as "a spastic dog and one blissfully quiet rabbit."

She refers to herself as "a regular housewife" when, in fact, in addition to her column, over the years, Filiatreault — who was editor of her college newspaper and won three North Carolina Intercollegiate Press Awards — served as chief speechwriter for South Carolina Governor David Beasley (1994-1998); was director of communications for a Southern mega-church; and now writes grants for Old Lyme's Florence Griswold Museum.

Filiatreault recently talked to The Day about her unique and often hilarious delivery of self-deprecating parenting advice in "Tales from the Crib."

Q. How did you get to be so funny? Is it an acquired skill along with parenting, or were you always seeing the funny side of life?

A. I was the youngest of three by a long stretch — my oldest brother was 16 years older than me, so I think you do the funny dance because you're the baby; it's an attention-seeking thing. My dad was a punster, silly jokester. I was always drawn to people who were funny, and the prevailing number one thing I look for in friends is that they make me laugh. It's definitely a skill you sharpen over years. When I became a parent, (humor helped me) process what was happening, make sense of it, and find the moral of the story and a way to laugh about it. Parenting is so pressure-packed, and humor is a release valve.

Q. Why did you decide to compile your columns into a book now? Were you getting requests or was it your idea?

A. Over the years, as my column was in the Lyme Times, Waterford Times, people would always ask, "When will you write a book?" I didn't know if that would happen. What I wanted was a document of our lives and thought I'd eventually self publish, but this opportunity sort of fell into my lap. A friend talked me up with an editor at Skyhorse Publishing, and after a period of back and forths, they decided to go with it. I kind of fell into it backward.

Q. Why did you organize the book by chapters, sections, instead of chronologically?

A. How to structure it was a difficult decision. I thought this approach might work best for busy moms. For ease of finding things that might really speak to them at a particular moment, I decided to set it up by themes instead of chronologically. Maybe someone needs encouragement that day about how they're not measuring up as a mother, or they want to laugh about summer vacation and how it sucks sometimes, there are sections on those topics.

Q. What is it like for you to see all these columns written over a decade come together in one book?

A. This whole process felt like giving birth. This is my third baby. Just to see it all completed and all these stories in one place where we can have it as a family record and to see it so beautifully packaged is a wonderful feeling. Every time I see it, I feel a spark of joy. It's thrilling for me to know how hard I worked to get to this place.

Q. Are there recurring themes in the book?

A. A theme that's recurring that I've always struggled with and the book deals with a lot is not quite measuring up and struggling to be super mom and do everything Pinterest perfect. We want our Instagram account to look really pretty and to project to the world that we've got it all squared away. And the need for laughter, and also a healthy amount of divine intervention. I bring out an element of faith in this book that I lean on personally and as a parent.

Q. What have you learned from your children?

A. In a lot of ways, they've revealed to me the true content of my character because I never knew before I had kids, how prone I was to anger. I thought I was really together. They revealed to me my grand imperfections but also my capacity for love and selflessness. I think parenthood is so important and that it forces us to do something for someone else, even when we're dead tired and don't want to. It makes us stronger and more mature. My kids reveal the best and worst in me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Q. What do you hope this book will do for other "stressed out modern day moms who are reading it"?

A. I just hope it's encouragement to moms out there that we are all struggling to get it right, and nobody gets it right all the time. Sometimes we're awesome at it, and sometimes we're the worst. I think in the grand scheme, it all evens out. I hope the book will bring laughter and joy to their day. It's a quick read, something to put a smile on your face and make you feel a little bit better about the job you're doing.

Q. If you had to give one serious or not-so-serious piece of advice to other moms of young children what would it be?

A. On a serious note, I think it's so important to keep in mind the long view. I was so stressed out about every missed nap, or that I put the baby down at the wrong time and I was ruining this child for life. I was worried about everything I did — if I made him eat his carrots or didn't make him eat his carrots. I never could find the sweet spot and relax. I think I do that so much better with my second child. My advice would be to relax and breathe and laugh and not think everything you do is forever. You can always fix it.