Rick Koster offers weekly lists of ideas, notions and things that must be seen to be believed.

Last week, my wife and I took our first-ever trip to Cape Cod, meandering on the side roads and basically enjoying the autumnal incredible-ness all the way up to P-Town. My only complaint? WAY too many cutesy shop names. I understand some folks’ need for and attraction to curios, Saltwater Taffy, souvenirs, indigenous crafts, yarn, beach shells and sundries quaint with an “End of Season” discount tag — but it would also be a great step forward for mankind if someone appointed me as the Official Gift-Shop-Name-Approver. A sample of my philosophy in this regard: 

We do not need shops with names like: 

1. Candlesticks and Buttercups 

2. The Happy Bunny 

3. The Seahorse, the Bonfire, the Windmill and Thou 

4. Gnomes, Faeries and Vous 

Shop names that WOULD make me pull into the parking lot — even though I don’t need a candle: 

1. The Dragon’s Snot 

2. Ye Olde Woodcarver (And, Yes, Ex-Felon) 

3. Septic Moonbeams 

4. The Velveteen Staph-Infection