It's funny how the modern world has a way of gently shifting and molding the age-old paradigms of celebration. For example, you're reading this on Saturday — and hopefully that signifies you had a wonderful, safe and happy Black Friday!

Here are excerpts from my diary this past week.

Monday — Finally removed rotted jack-o'-lantern. Wow. Pretty gooey. Let neighbor's cat lick gunk off porch. Hope smell dissipates before family shows up Thursday; reminds me of college field trip to slaughter house. Family, that is, not pumpkin.

Tuesday — Finished annotating holiday shopping lists complete with flow charts, footnotes and half-off coupons. Stopped by grocery and Dick's and bought camping supplies for children including Swanson's frozen turkey TV dinners. Dropped each kid off at different Black Friday hot spot. Megan's at Best Buy, Dennis at Target, and Kallie at Bonus Super-Liquor Warehouse (hope her fake ID works!). They can eat Swanson's on Thanksgiving proper. I'll pick 'em up Friday night.

Wednesday — Too agitated to cook or clean. I hope kids are close to the front of the lines! Thought: Who actually cares about Thanksgiving when Black Friday looms in all its glory?! Scary moment: Megan texted. Apparently, a family of really large people showed up and tried to insert themselves at the front of the line. "Need more flat screens!" the mother kept saying over and over. Fortunately, security tear-gassed the crowd into submission and put the woman in stocks right outside the main entrance. A warning, I suppose. Megan okay; eyes burn and a bloody nose from someone's elbow but not broken, according to EMT stationed at store.

Thursday (snore) — Ran to 7-Eleven and found a package of Big Lenny's Sliced Turkey (expiration date, 2011) so I could craft sandwiches for in-laws and grandma. They insisted on some sort of "holiday traditional meal." "Heavenly Father, thanks blah blah blah ..." Oh, funny note from television: No crowd at Macy's Parade in NYC. Fear of terror? Nope; everyone's in line for Black Friday deals. Hope kids are okay; got down to 14 degrees last night.

Friday – IT'S HERE! BLACK FRIDAY!