East Lyme — Former NBA professional basketball player Chris Herren told a packed audience in East Lyme High School's auditorium on Tuesday evening that we all have a "why," but he thinks we wait until it's too late to start asking it.

He was speaking at a forum, sponsored by the East Lyme Youth Coalition and attended by residents and families, to tell his story of addiction to drugs and alcohol and his recovery since 2008. He also spoke to students at East Lyme High School earlier in the day.

Herren, who played for the Denver Nuggets and Boston Celtics, said he grew up in fear of his father's drinking, yet began drinking his father's Miller Lites at age 14.

At 18 years old, he went to Boston College and was booked for the cover of Sports Illustrated, but felt peer pressure to try cocaine in a dorm room and became addicted. He later became addicted to OxyContin after starting with one $20 pill. He said he tried to stop, but then got hooked on heroin. 

In 2008, he became clean and sober at a treatment center after overdosing on heroin at age 32. For the past six years, he has traveled to share his story with audiences across the country.

"The beauty of surviving is that it allows you to find the silver lining in the saddest stories. You become grateful for the worst moment," said Herren, a father of three children. "Eight years sober, I've been given countless gifts, but the greatest gift I've been able to give is that for the last eight years, I've been the same father. My kids know who's coming home now. They're not nervous who's walking in the door anymore. When I leave, I come back."

"For eight years, I've been the same father, the same son, the same friend, the same husband, and that's the only amends I ever can give," he added. "That's the only 'sorry' my family ever wanted."

He said he gets asked how will or how does he handle his own children smoking or drinking on the weekends.

He said for now he is blessed that it is an "if." He said if they do, he will walk in their bedroom, give them a hug and make them look him in the eye, and say "as your dad, please tell me why" they feel the need to drink or use drugs. 

Herren said he hopes that high schools will change their curriculum and have wellness curriculum from day one, so students — from those with eating disorders to those who have parents who are addicted — can have a space to talk.

"I think we failed our youth," he said. "I think we looked away too long. I think we have blind faith that our kids will never suffer. We hover over them academically. We apply pressure athletically, but we let them go socially and we fail them emotionally."

He said that adults often forget how awkward those high school years, from ages 14 to 18, can be.

He said he gets asked if he ever wants to do drugs or alcohol since 2008, and said he never wants to except on those days when he struggles to be himself. He said he thinks it comes down to self-esteem, confidence and well-being.

He relayed a conversation he's had with a parent about her child wanting to go into professional sports. He told the audience that while it's great for kids to dream, he said it's more important to "be a pro at being you."

k.drelich@theday.com