How often does this happen to you: You’re merrily tearing through the woods in your four-wheeler and come to what looks like a shallow stream but turns out to be a deep, water-filled ditch, so your beloved machine sinks like a stone beneath a spreading oil slick?

This sad plight would not have occurred had you been piloting a Komando XK Aqua Terra, equipped with a high-volume bladder that automatically inflates upon immersion and brings your 4-ton vehicle to the surface as if it were a ducky bath toy.

The Komando XK Aqua Terra would be at the top of my Christmas list in the unlikely event I ever got behind the wheel of an ATV, if I were in the habit of making gift lists, and most important, if there actually were such a hideous contraption as a Komando XK Aqua Terra.

Yes, folks, it’s time for Fagin’s Annual Holiday Gift Catalogue for the Discerning Outdoorsman and Outdoorswoman.

Some of these are real products; others are products of my imagination. Disclosure: I’ve added some of my own material to the true merchandise descriptions, but the items themselves are really sold in stores and online. See if you can sort the actual products from the fakes; the answers are at the end. No peeking!

1. Dan’l Boone GPS-in-a-Compass

Looks like an old-fashioned magnet compass, with authentic-looking dial and needle that moves, but snap the lid open and it reveals a hidden Global Positioning System. Impress your friends by appearing to navigate with old-school skills while actually employing contemporary technology. $179.99.

2. Metal Switchblade Comb. For the well-groomed outdoorsman, looks, feels and snaps open like a switchblade knife, but is actually a comb. Available in black

($15.93 & FREE Shipping Only 7 left in stock) or White ($18.99).

Customer question:

Can you actually use it to comb a beard or is flimsy?

Answer:

Very sturdy, not like the cheap plastic ones at all.

Question: Does it have a clip?

Answer:

Yes

Question:

Is it spring assisted?

Answer:

Yes, it has a heavy spring which gives it a very strong deployment. I was very surprised by the quality.

3. Niagara Backpacker’s Jacuzzi

Nothing eases après-hike sore muscles like a relaxing soak in a whirlpool bath, but unless you’re backpacking near natural hot springs, where are you going to enjoy such a luxury? The Niagara Backpacker’s Jacuzzi turns the nearest small puddle, pond or pool into a sea of soothing bubbles.

The Jacuzzi Ultra ($749.98) is powered by a 15 hp diesel engine that runs for 90 minutes between refilling, recommended for the sturdy hiker accustomed to an 80-pound pack, while the Go-Green Jacuzzi Solar, is not only considerably lighter but cheaper, ($227.50) providing several minutes of whirlpool pleasure per charge. We suggest purchasing supplemental solar chargers ($49.95 each).

4. Kwak-to-Roar – A Thousand and One Bird/Animal Calls in One Simple MP3. Easily downloadable to your phone or tablet, this audio file produces authentic-sounding distress or mating calls designed to attract an array of prey ranging from ducks, geese, deer, moose, bear, alligators and even exotic animals including tigers, rhinos, lions, leopards and jaguars. Perfect for weekend shooters and big-game hunters alike, or simply for bird-watchers who hope to bring a wider variety of feathered friends to their feeders. $29.95.

5. Scent Crusher Ozone On The Go

Reduce chances of transferring odors from your car to you, your clothing or hunting gear with Scent Crusher's Ozone On The Go air-sanitization system. Long-used in industrial settings, ozone (O3) is a proven odor reducer. Simply plug into your vehicle's 12-volt outlet for hassle-free use. Space-saving compact size. $39.99.

6. Peg-Perego Polaris Outlaw Motorized Toy Vehicle

This sleek, strong and sporty toy vehicle can make its way over tough terrain, and is so cool all your child’s friends will want to take it for a spin. All-terrain knobby wheels provide traction on grass, dirt, gravel and pavement. A multiposition SmartPedal accelerator reduces jerky starts and stops, and extends riding time between recharges. It automatically brakes for safety. With a 2-speed gearshift, it travels at 2.5 or 5 mph, plus it has reverse. The rear-drive wheels have independent motors for high performance. High-speed lockout prevents beginners from going too fast. ATV also has brush guards and a passenger seat. A 12-volt rechargeable battery and charger are included. Recommended for ages 3-7.

7. Beau Brummell Bug Repellant Dinner Jacket

Invited to an outdoor cocktail party and worried about Zika Virus, Eastern Equine Encephalitis, Lyme Disease, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and other insect-born diseases? The same DEET-infused fabric material used in cargo shorts, scarves, T-shirts and other camping garb is fashioned into elegantly tailored dinner jackets worn by movie stars and celebrities. Available in black or white, in sizes from XS for Junior to XXXXL for Big Daddy. $495.00 (ad $50 for sixes XXL and larger). Customers who bought a dinner jacket also purchased an Honest Abe Top Hat with Head Netting. ($39.95)

8. Outward Hound Hide-a-Squirel Dog Toy. For squirrel-chasing fun that won't get your pup into trouble, grab Outward Hound's Hide-a-Squirrel dog toy for hours of play. The plush log features five holes with room for six squeaky squirrels to hide. Simply stuff the squirrels in the log and watch your pooch sniff them out – over and over again! $15.99

9. Humane Insects and Bug Catcher Vacuum and Spider Catcher with LED Flashlight (Black and Transparent)

Capture bugs, insects and spiders from a safe distance, just aim and suck them in the bug vacuum pipe. Powerful Vacuum Suction enough to ensure that bugs won't escape, but gentle enough not to kill. You will not get your furniture and walls dirty by spray or Smashing ever again.

LED Flashlight – The bug catcher vacuum is equipped with a led light to catch the dark crawlers. Not any insect is safe, and your home is very clean.

Easy to Install and Change Battery – Open battery door, put into the 9V battery (Not included), you don't tape battery shut in order to make it work.

A Great Gift – Ergonomic gun shape that is easy for kids, adults and seniors to hold. So easy to capture pests, they will not feel scared. The Bug Catcher Vacuum is lightweight, you can take it everywhere, it is so convenient. $19.99

10. Tent-In-A-Can. Takes speedy spring-loaded tent technology one step further. Simply open can, stand back and voila! Instant tent! Some assembly required. $399.

Answers:

1 – Fake

2 – Real

3 – Fake

4 – Fake

5 – Real

6 – Real

7 – Fake

8 – Real

9 – Real

10 – Fake