Few are more self-righteously indignant than a pissed-off college kid — particularly if he or she joins other like-minded Young Intellectuals in “A Cause.”

I say this without judgment; I, too, once matriculated at a university and would return home regularly to scoff at my parents’ antiquated opinions and try to enlighten them with fresh wisdom. One time — and this is true — my sainted mother casually said something that ruffled my free-thinking feathers. I sneered and said, “I live in my mind!”

To which Mom sweetly and immediately responded, “Well, honey, then you have a very small apartment.”

Anyhoo, yes: same as it ever was in the cerebral circus o’erseen by Young Intellectuals.

I’m sure we all remember the recent uprising at Yale by students who inferred racial insensitivity over a professor’s advice regarding, ah, Halloween costumes. (The professor actually resigned over this. I’m hoping she can at least land a tenure-track position next fall at a Spirit Halloween store.)

Well, undergrads at Oberlin College have upped the Halloween Costume Incident ante with diversity/racial demands on the school’s dining halls and the company called Bon Appétit Management that provides much of the food vendor services on campus.

According to the New York Times, Asian students complained that inauthentic and modified recipes — for example, Vietnamese banh mi sandwiches and General Tso’s chicken dishes — were (and I’m paraphrasing) offensive and misrepresented Asian culture. Also, members of the school’s black student union protested outside of the dining hall at the Afrikan Heritage House “after demands for more traditional meals, including more fried chicken, went unmet.”

Okay, maybe it’s just me, still living in my small apartment, but I sorta suspect that if the Bon Appétit folks had shown up at the Afrikan Heritage House with fried chicken, there’d have been a riot.

But, I dunno, I’m old and have become stupid, so possibly the Young Intellectuals are onto something. In that spirit, I have some culinary suggestions for Bon Appétit Management and the Oberlin cafeterias.

1. Perhaps Scandinavian students could only be served meals by cooks wearing Viking helmets.

2. Do NOT let the cafeteria sound systems play the theme from “The Godfather” any time pizza is on the menu. That unfairly reminds young scholars of Italian heritage that there are mafia stereotypes.

3. Middle Eastern students? Not gonna touch that one.

4. During October, do NOT let dining hall employees wear Halloween costumes! Depending on any given student’s interpretation of the inspiration for (or the aesthetic representation of) the masquerade, the pupil might be marginalized or insecure or, worse, hungry.