Washington D.C. — As you’re reading this, I’m on my way back from my (fake) trip to the inaugural ceremony, where I was dispatched to cover the event’s entertainment. First, though, let’s keep in mind two things. First, as ably demonstrated by morons who read only what they want to read regardless of veracity, the new axiom, “If you write it, it’s true,” is disturbingly accurate. Next, liberals are far more vicious and prodigious at this practice than conservatives.

This, despite the fact that this all cannonballed into existence in 2011 when a fella named Donald Trump announced at a press conference in New Hampshire that he’d sent a crackerjack squadron of investigators to Hawaii to prove Barack Obama wasn’t a natural-born U.S. citizen, and that they were very close to bringing back the evidence. In reality, there was no team and there were no facts in support of that assertion, but Trump effectively spawned a whole movement of nouveau propaganda we’ll call “Lying and Circulating Fibs is Fun and Profitable (LACFFAP).”

At that time, Trump had no idea he would actually run and win the presidency despite the fact liberals would hijack his gleeful LACFFAP strategy as well as they have. In fact, the vanquished and resentful left is still at it and would have you believe that virtually no musician, entertainer or pop culture celebrity was going attend or perform in support of the new president at the Inauguration ceremony. WRONG.

1. In December, People magazine claimed that Beyonce would not sing at the inauguration. WRONG. She took the stage at the “Rich Person Ball” and sang a heartfelt version of Gil Scott Heron’s “Whitey On the Moon.”

2. In November, Entertainment Weekly reported that Elton John would not sing at the inauguration. WRONG. John not only showed up, he crashed the actual swearing-in ceremony. He knocked aside oath administrator/prop comic Gallagher — Trump’s choice rather than Supreme Court Justice John Roberts — grabbed the microphone, mooned America, and warbled a quick chorus of “Daniel.”

3. Trump himself tweeted that country superstar Toby Keith would sing at the “Welcome Celebration.” WRONG. Keith did end up in D.C., but it was to paint signs with protest marchers and lead campfire-style sing-alongs of Rage Against the Machine tunes.

4. Earlier this month, Rolling Stone stated that rock group 3 Doors Down would do a set at the “Welcome Celebration.” WAIT! Those career-ruiners really DID show up!

5. Yes, that was Ted Nugent begging at the security gates on the far periphery of the ceremony, pleading, “You can’t tell me Donald doesn’t want me to do ‘Wang Dang Sweet Poontang!’”