“This is Fay Knooz bringing you live team coverage of the season’s first snowflake, taking dead aim at the state. Let’s go first to Chief Meteorologist Hy Lowe in our Accu Blizzard Command Center who has been tracking the path of this flake for the past 16 hours …”

“Thanks, Fay. As you know, when we first reported the flake drifting through the Ohio Valley yesterday afternoon and issued an immediate Winter Storm Disaster Alert, there was a 50-50 chance a prevailing west wind, driven by a low-pressure system in the Canadian Maritimes, would cause it to plummet into Connecticut. Accu Blizzard Command Center computer models now forecast a strike is all but inevitable.”

“Thank you, Hy. We now go to a live report from Correspondent Justin Thyme, who has pulled into the parking lot of a Home Despot aboard the Accu Blizzard Command Center’s Anti-Avalanche Armored Vehicle. Justin, what can you tell us?”

“Fay, as you can see, there is absolute bedlam here! Customers have been racing in to buy snow blowers, pallets of rock salt, portable generators … Here comes one now, getting ready to load a large machine of some sort into the bed of his pickup … Excuse me, sir, could you tell us exactly how you’re getting ready for …”

“Out of my way, @#***! I gotta get home and get this @#*** hooked up!”

“Right … Um, how about you, sir …”

“This is Fay back in the studio. We apologize to our viewers for that customer’s language, but it certainly reflects the sense of panic that has gripped the state. Before we switch to reporters stationed at supermarkets, where customers have stripped the shelves bare, and at public works staging areas, where battalions of snowplow and sand truck drivers are gathering in a scene reminiscent of the D-Day invasion, let’s go to Capital Bureau Chief Eileen Lefft, who is awaiting a speech by Gov. O. Danny Boye.”

“Thanks, Fay. We’re expecting the governor any moment now to declare a state of emergen … oh, wait, I see Gov. Boye approaching the lectern, flanked by the State Police commander, Homeland Security director, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration forecaster, congressional delegation and National Guard adjutant general. Let’s listen …”

“Good morning. As many of you know, we are in the direct path of the season’s first snowflake, and I want to assure citizens that we are prepared. First of all, I ask all residents to stay off the roads to allow emergency crews to …”

“… This is Fay back in the studio. I’m sorry to interrupt the governor’s speech, but we have a live report from our southeastern Connecticut bureau, where Correspondent Noah Wareness has an exclusive interview with a New London resident who believes she may have seen the snowflake. Noah, can you hear me?”

“Good morning, Fay. I’m standing here with Molly Coddle, who just moments ago was walking her poodle on Ocean Beach, and … well, I’ll let her tell the story …”

“Yes, well, I was out here with Fang, like we do every morning, and I don’t know why, but something made me look up, and next thing I know this snowflake is coming down right over the water!”

“My goodness! What did you do?”

“Well, first thing, I made sure Fang didn’t try to go in after it — he goes crazy over anything that moves. Next I watched the flake settle onto the water and then kind of disappear.”

“Amazing! Can you describe the flake?”

“Well, it was small and white, not real white, but maybe more of a light gray, and about the size of a grain of rice, or maybe a pea, not that small, but not that big, either, and it was kind of feathery, not too light, but not too heavy, and it didn’t come straight down, but kind of blew sideways in a curving pattern, and then, just before it hit the water, a wave came by and almost touched it, but then the wind shifted and carried it up for a foot or so, and finally, it dropped onto the surface.”

“This is Noah Wareness, reporting live from New London. Fay, back to you.”

“Thank you, Noah, and I’m glad Molly and Fang made it through safely. As you heard, the first flake of the season, which we’re now calling Flake Ferdinand, has just landed in the waters off Ocean Beach in New London. Before we return to Gov Boye’s speech, I’m informed that Meteorologist Hy Lowe has an important update. Hy?”

“Right, Fay, and I hate to be the bearer of more bad news, but Super-Sense Doppler has just detected a disturbance in the Mid-Atlantic accompanied by a shift to an east wind. Brace yourself: As we speak Accu Blizzard Command Center radar has picked up another flake racing our way …”