With a quivering heart I approach the rest of my life; through the lens of grief and loss I feel my way onto the path before me. How to go on, no one can say; sorrow is an individual journey for all who walk the rocky unmarked road after losing a loved one. Thich Nat Hahn says that all suffering is impermanent, so transform it … and all happiness is impermanent, so enhance it.

And so with my heart both empty and full I continue forward with my life. The hole, that empty place that secretly searches for that which is gone, rests in the sweet memories of a lifetime relationship of sister to sister. She was my baby sister, five years younger, my only sibling, and when diagnosed two years ago with advanced cancer it became the entire focus of my mind.

But even after she outlived every projection of her mortality, we all began to spin in the gravitational pull of her positive attitude and hope. So when called home to return from a long planned trip, I knew the worst was happening. She had worked every single day, through chemo, radiation and the long list of diagnostic testing through which she was methodically ushered.

This would be it, the end. Her lungs would no longer take in oxygen and she had made the sobering decision to decline resuscitation and intubation. The last few days of her life were a blur for we who chose to witness her indescribable pain and ultimate transition. The vigil of sitting before a death is so similar to the waiting for a birth; a sacred life changing event, and it bonded us as we felt the pain of her impending loss.

And nothing could have prepared me; I have seen death more times than I could count over my many decades in medicine, but this was my sister, the one who loved me best, who criticized my shoes, told me off numerous times, but counted on me throughout our 55 years together, and she was leaving, and my devastation was nothing compared to her husband and daughter and our mother who was losing her baby. So it is in the quiet moments that my tears come, in my writing and correspondence with family and friends.

And life continues, feeling like I have a weight inside of me, like a rock I must carry until I could understand it well enough to set it down. We live, we die and what we do in between is really what it's all about.

And so to anyone who has known grief, I want to say you are not alone, there is a huge club of us. We lose those we love and then we go on, never forgetting them or the pain of their leaving or the joy of having had them for a while. Grief is not a linear process, and no one goes from denial, isolation, anger, depression, bargaining and finally to acceptance in a straight line. It's an unmarked and circuitous path. And we crawl our way through and eventually stand straight once again.

May we find peace in our hearts through all the challenges of life, holding each other up along the way, reaching out to our neighbors, showing kindness even when it's difficult and creating peace wherever we are. That is my wish for us all during this holiday season.

AMY MARTIN IS THE OWNER AND DIRECTOR OF CENTER FOR HEALING THERAPIES IN WATERFORD. SHE CAN BE REACHED AT (860) 443-0800 OR EMAIL AMY AT AMYMARTIN@TIME4HEALING.COM.