Waterford — Not everyone is feeling jolly.  

That's what the Rev. Matthew McCaffrey, pastor of the Waterford Congregational United Church of Christ, says about the December holidays.  

It may be the season of bright lights, festive tunes, sweet treats and other merriment, but McCaffrey knows that some people just feel blue.

So McCaffrey and his congregation, which shares space with Crossroads Presbyterian Church at 70 Cross Road, will host a "quiet" Christmas service at 7 p.m. on Wednesday, Dec. 23, open to all but focused on those who are feeling dispirited or defeated, and those who are grieving a loss.

"It's a time for people who are feeling a little out of step with the holidays — the noise, the lights and the rush," McCaffrey said. "You know, some people have suffered pretty serious losses at Christmastime — of a loved one, or they've lost their home or job right around the holiday — and it just doesn't always have the pleasant associations that most people have with Christmas."

Dr. Alexander P. Miano, a psychiatrist and medical director for adult outpatient services at the L+M Medical Group, said he's especially busy with patients who are feeling the stress and strain of the holiday season.

"A great number of people right now have overwhelming expectations that cannot be fulfilled," he said. "There is this elevated level of celebration, and they feel like they are failing. The elderly, especially, suffer solitude and loneliness the most."

Miano said he likes the idea of a quiet service and would encourage some of his patients to consider attending. 

The "quiet" service will include scripture readings, serene recorded music and votive candles for people "to light in honor of a loved one or simply to light in honor of Jesus," McCaffrey said.

"The service is open to anyone, but certainly we are a Christian church, so it will be a Christian service, but we will not be exclusive to folks," he said. "If someone just wants to walk in, it's open to anyone in the community and we will not be checking credentials at the door."

McCaffrey said members of his congregation have been receptive to the idea, and that he has encouraged them to think of people they know who might want to attend.

"The Christmas season can feel lonely and the journey of grief even more painful when it seems that the rest of the world is celebrating," said McCaffrey.

"Some people who are feeling sad, depressed or grieving, they just bottle it up, and they keep quiet because they know that their feelings are not really welcomed at this time of year," he said. "And I believe that's true. I think the message that people experiencing this kind of sadness at Christmastime hear is, 'It's such a happy time of year, why don't you just get in step?'"

Miano said a gathering that demonstrates fellowship, and where participants empathize, can make "what some call the other side of Christmas" more tolerable.

He said people need to do their best to put the holiday in perspective and make Christmas what they want it to be.

"Expectations of perfection are not something we should strive for," he said. "And do not be defined by the expectation of others."

Miano suggested people write out two lists: One of things they enjoy doing at this time of year, and another of things that stress them out.

"Make an inventory, and then a visual choice, and it will empower you," he said.

And he recommended cutting stress levels by getting adequate sleep, good nutrition, avoiding excessive alcohol intake and taking medications properly.

"It also really helps to have someone you can turn to with your stress and concerns, and express it, share it. When you do that, some of the weight of the stress gets liberated," he said.

McCaffrey said he knows from his ministry that this time of year, when daylight is short and nights are long, that people who are depressed sink even lower.

"These darkest days of the year just accentuate how lousy they feel," he said.

This is the first time Waterford Congregational United Church of Christ will do a quiet service. 

McCaffrey said he got the idea after experiencing one elsewhere.

"We just want to be a simple, quiet space where people are free to be themselves, and, if they are grieving, to have their loved ones honored, or if they are simply feeling sad, to know that this is a place for you, too," he said, "and that Jesus understands sadness and grief and still accepts you and embraces you."

a.baldelli@theday.com

Twitter: @annbaldelli

What: Quiet Christmas service

When: 7 p.m., Wednesday, Dec. 23

Where: Waterford Congregational United Church of Christ, 70 Cross Road, Waterford