Paulla Solar, Stonington High School girls' basketball coach, was in the midst of a discussion - somewhat terse, let's say - with an official during a game against Waterford a couple of years ago, when suddenly from the opposing bench came a comment she likely hasn't heard much in her career.

"I'm telling mom."

Ed Kolnaski, a former Waterford assistant and current Lancers head coach, is Solar's younger brother.

And their mom, the late Catherine Kolnaski, was both coaches' biggest ally.

"She was my go-to. She was my strength when things weren't going right," Solar said this week. "She always called the day after a game and she always used the land line phone, so I knew it was her. I think my mother was a strong woman. She helped me to be strong when you have the ups and downs of coaching."

Catherine Kolnaski died this fall, Sept. 7, at the age of 93. The former mayor of the City of Groton and a longtime town councilor, Mrs. Kolnaski's calling hours were held at the Groton City Municipal Building, with Groton City Police forming an honor guard to accompany her casket.

She was buried at Elm Grove Cemetery in Mystic on a crystal blue Friday morning, with military honors to distinguish her stint as a Navy nurse during World War II, the sun sparkling radiantly off the nearby Mystic River.

The hard part for both coaches, Solar and Kolnaski, now lies in not only missing the little things only their mother brought to the family, but in coaching a season without each of their most avid cheerleaders … especially when the two square off against each other.

Waterford and Stonington, both in the Eastern Connecticut Conference Medium Division, faced off twice last season, Kolnaski's first as head coach of the Lancers. Waterford won both meetings, making things a little bit tense, perhaps, at Christmas dinner.

Stonington won the most recent matchup 57-52 last Friday in Waterford.

Kolnaski pressed. Stonington, with a starting lineup now featuring a freshman in Kate Hall, led 42-37. Waterford, led by consecutive 3-pointers from soccer great Claire Hurley, stormed back to forge ahead 44-42.

Stonington is unbeaten at 3-0 overall, with Waterford at 2-1, Kolnaski's only loss to his big sister.

"Playing the other night I thought, '(Mom) always used to love going to basketball games,'" Kolnaski said. "She would have not wanted to miss it. … Coaching a zillion different sports and a zillion years, I always asked her opinions. She would always be able to relate it to different stuff, especially when she was the mayor. She always loved to talk sports. She was always easy to talk to. She'd be kind of like, 'Listen, keep at it.'

"I thought after the game the other night, 'I should be hanging at mom and dad's house right now moaning and groaning.'"

Solar, a member of the Connecticut Women's Basketball Hall of Fame with two state championships to her credit, said she doesn't relish playing her brother.

"This year playing Eddie was even more emotional," she said.

"It's difficult to root against your brother. My brother and I are close. I don't like being put in that spot."

Both coaches said they learned a great deal about their mother the night of her wake, during which the line of mourners stretched more than two hours long and well past the appointed calling hours.

Catherine Kolnaski, wife of 94-year old Edward Kolnaski of Groton - another of the coaches' go-tos - mother of four, grandmother and great-grandmother, it seems, touched everyone with whom she came in contact.

"A person said, 'I called your mom and told her we needed a sidewalk and we got a sidewalk,'" Solar said. "I know she retired from nursing and she was always out and busy, but everybody had a story. I'm pretty sure not one of my family members knew all the things she did; she did it without looking for a pat on the back."

The family details Mrs. Kolnaski took care of included sending her grandchildren little gifts in the mail, like Christmas socks.

"I think she's helped me to be strong," Solar said. "I think that's something she instilled in me. Hopefully it's something I can instill in some younger person. … I think the hardest realization is that she's not there to talk to. Sometimes, I'm expecting her to call the next day."

Said Kolnaski, with a laugh, of what his mom's reaction would have been to his team's defeat last week against Stonington: "She would have been upset that I lost."

This is the opinion of Day Scholastic Sports Editor Vickie Fulkerson.

Twitter: @vickieattheday